After President Donald Trump made an inkling of progress with North Korea and the denuclearization of their regime, he felt he deserved proper recognition. A Nobel Peace Prize to be precise. As the only president in recent history who demands attention for each and every one of his accomplishments yet expects us to ignore his many failures, Trump definitely deserves an award. Just not the one he thinks he has earned. Here are some prizes and awards that our darling president has actually merited throughout his time in office.
An Award For The President With The Most Children With Multiple Women
If there were an award for a president with the most baby mama drama, Trump would win by a long slide. More screwed up than the Brady Bunch, Trump’s family comes with two ex-wives, five children ranging from 12 to 40 years old, and one likely eventual ex-wife. While cheating not only led Trump away from each wife, it also helped him to find a new one, which is what ultimately led to the ample amount of children he has conceived. And these are just the ones we know about. If you believe the rumors, Trump has at least one illegitimate child with a Trump Tower employee and likely several more around the country.
A Prize For The Center Of The Most Scandals While In Office
The public has learned so much about Trump since he moved into the White House. We’ve learned more than we ever wanted to about his sex life. About his numerous affairs. About his creepy obsession with women who look like his daughter, Ivanka. Worst of all, we’ve learned TMI about what the president looks like naked and got an earful of what he considers “locker room talk.” From porn stars to Playboy Playmates, Trump certainly has a type. He not only deserves a prize for keeping his time in office interesting, to say the least, but he probably also deserves a cut of the sales from so of the rag magazines that have been banking bank off some of these stories.
A Ribbon For Being The Stupidest Man In The World
Trump is a moron. We all know that. He deserves a ribbon for being the stupidest man in the world, however, for thinking he could ever be successful as president of the United States. With a resume that consists of several failed businesses, some real estate properties, a guest appearance in a porno, and a hit reality TV show, he hardly qualifies for a position in politics. He may think he’s some kind of genius with a higher IQ than anyone he knows, but it only took him a few months in office to provide us with many examples that indicate the opposite. At least now he knows that Puerto Rico is considered U.S. territory and building a wall to keep out Mexican immigrants is quite impossible.
A Medal For Having The Most Affairs Without Getting Caught
While Trump’s affairs may have helped him find a new wife in the past, this time they might just get him impeached. Just think, if he had never become president, he might have actually gotten away with all the women he cheated with. He also wouldn’t have had to spend so much time and money ensuring these women kept their affairs quiet during his campaign. While only a few women have come forward to discuss their recent relationship with the president, there’s no doubt that there are dozens more, likely who took his money in exchange for their time alone together in the bedroom. Unfortunately for Melania, and for the more decent half of the country, she might be stuck having to put up with him a few more years. How would it look if a president was going through a divorce while in office? Likely, Trump’s people are paying her quite a bit of money to keep her from filing.
A Certificate For The Most Lies Told In The Shortest Period Of Time
Practically every word that comes out of the man’s mouth is a lie. He lied about paying off Stormy Daniels. He lied about cheating on his wife. He lied about his inauguration crowd saying it was huge. He lied about the dozens of sexual assault and rape claims made against him. He lied about his knowledge of Russia’s interference with the election. He lied about Obama having his phones tapped. He lied about being smart. He lied about his fake tan. I could go on forever. Basically, the man lies. So much, in fact, that CNN counted and came us with over 3,000 lies in 466 days. Holy hell, that’s a lot!
A Trophy For His Racist Agenda
Trump’s agenda to make America white again should certainly award him a huge ass trophy. Perhaps one where a tiny gold Trump in a hard hat and construction gear is on top. While his racist agenda is absolutely disgusting, perhaps we should be thanking him. His bigotry has made others feel safe enough to come out of hiding, and have since been documented in dozens of videos. Not only has it started a meaningful conversation as those of us who may have been oblivious now realize that racism continues to exist in our country, but it has allowed us to publically shame these discriminatory people. These videos are going viral, and the racist pricks who star in them are losing their jobs, friends, family, and overall respect from the community. So, thank you, Trump! You did a good thing.
Special Recognition For His Enormous Ego
The man’s ego literally couldn’t be any bigger. Trump thinks so highly of himself that he leaves little room for others to compliment him if, of course, he ever came across someone who would. He’s the richest, the smartest, and the best at just about everything. There isn’t a title of recognition that he hasn’t lied about receiving. Even just last week it was reported that he faked a phone call on the set of SNL claiming his book was number one on some reading list or another. It’s shocking his big head can even fit through the White House doors at this point. They probably have to store him on the roof and fly him in and out on a helicopter specifically designed to fit his ego. Either that or they just hook him up to one of those safety harnesses that hang from the helicopter by a rope, the ones used to save people drowning and to move cows off the road.