North Koreans Suddenly Develop Diabetes As American Imports Appear

Thanks to recent news developments, it seems like North Koreans might be soon getting access to the American market. And man, are they going to get fat as hell.

If American specializes in one thing, it’s exporting culture worldwide. Movies, television, books: the American version is the universally most desired. Our food, however, is less lusted after. Check out the “American” food section at any foreign grocery store, and you’ll find Oreos, Coca-Cola, Butterfingers and Twinkies. Is that everything we eat? I mean, of course not. But the image of a fat, stupid, loud American doesn’t exist for no reason: it has some bearing on reality.

We’ve also been doing our damndest to export this extra-large lifestyle to other countries alongside our entertainment. You’ll find American fast food in pretty much every country around the world, featuring the same kind of unhealthy food with a slight regional twist. If American capitalism is good at anything, its exporting garbage to everyone, everywhere.

As the long-isolated North Korean people gain access to foreign markets, they’re almost guaranteed to find themselves in a period of feast after a lifetime of famine. And literal famine, too: the North Korean people are believed to be massively undernourished, requiring food aid from more developed countries to avoid nationwide starvation. So if North Koreans suddenly have access to foreign markets and money to spend, they’re going to get one thing: food. And lots of it. And when you want rich food, where do you go? America!

Should this come to pass, there’s no doubt that North Koreans will quickly develop diabetes at an unheard-of rate. A long-starved people can know no moderation, and surely a sign of wealth will be a packet of Butterscotch Krimpets. These poor folks don’t have the palette for it either, nor the natural immunity towards incredibly fattening foods. And considering the long period of famine they’ve faced, they’re sure to put that weight on like there’s no tomorrow.

Image by Roman Harak (North Korea – Kumsusan) [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons