It has recently been made public knowledge that the president, Donald Trump, doesn’t know the difference between HIV and HPV. Since we’re all smarter than the president here, I won’t go into detail on how the two differ or how Trump is probably the first person in history to get the two confused. Bill Gates outed Trump in a speech that was recently made public, describing his meetings with Trump where at both he needed the difference between HIV and HPV to be thoroughly explained to him. Now that Trump’s intelligence has been brought to a whole new level of stupid, it might be time to examine the way his mind works more carefully. Here are a few other things the president doesn’t know the difference between.

Bigot and Bigfoot

We call Trump a bigot, and all he hears is bigfoot. Rather than knowing the world considers him a snot-nosed racist desperate to put up a wall that will do nothing to prevent illegal immigrants from getting into the United States, he thinks we’ve been referring to him as bigfoot. Sasquatch. Trump thinks he’s so big and scary, that he has the leaders of other countries shaking in their boots, and his inability to tell the difference between bigot and bigfoot allows him to presume we agree. He’s in denial, to say the least.

Fake News and Frank News

When we see frank news, Trump sees fake news and his confusion is quite understandable. See, the truth is sometimes difficult to hear. So difficult, that it can sometimes send a person into a downward spiral toward deep-seated denial. This is how frank news, where reports are blunt and straight-forward, are morphed into fake news in an individual’s mind. The president, unfortunately, suffers from this and his condition has become so severe that declaring something fake news has become a knee-jerk reaction or tic closely related to Tourette’s syndrome.

Tan and Tangerine

Trump may swear up and down that his tan his natural, but we all know that’s a lie. His skin discoloration is likely due to the fact that he doesn’t know the difference between tan and tangerine. Understandably, this would confuse the person administering his spray tan. Or, rather, his spray tangerine. If the president wants a spray tangerine, that’s what you give him. Regardless of the Halloween-like outcome.

Sexy and Sexist

This one is hard. Sexy and sexist have almost all of the same letters, so Trump’s lack of knowledge on the subject is almost acceptable. Unfortunately for the women in Trump’s life, informing him that his words or actions are sexist is practically useless as he thinks they’re calling him sexy. He even takes it as a compliment. This may explain Trump’s constant denial of the sexual assault and harassment claims made against him. He’s just being coy!

Rich and Racist

The president is always going on and on about all this money he supposedly has. Trump has gone on record saying, “The beauty of me is that I’m very rich,” “Being rich is easy,” and “I’m really rich.” Since we all know that he’s not very wealthy as most of his business ventures have gone bankrupt and the IRS will likely be on him about his failure to pay his taxes sooner rather than later, it’s safe to assume that he doesn’t know the difference between the words rich and racist. These quotes make much more sense using the right word. “The beauty of me is that I’m very racist,” “Being racist is easy,” and “I’m really racist.” See? Much more sense.

Flirting and Fleeing

Trump can’t tell when a woman is flirting with him or fleeing from him, making it appear that these two words are difficult for him. Without knowing the difference between the two, the reports that he has gone in for a kiss with women on several occasions without their permission would make sense. He can’t pick up on the signals of a woman trying to flee and confuses their disinterest and sheer disgust with flirting. Sounds like something Trump’s egotistical mind would mix up.

Smart and Schmuck

Trump is so smart. A genius even. His IQ test number is super high, proving that his intelligence levels are off the charts. Except, his intellect only exists in the imaginary world he has created in his head. In real life, Trump is a schmuck. A moron. A jackass. A fool. If it were the Renaissance era, his role would be limited strictly to a royal jester. And not even the one they kept around for laughs and entertainment. He would be the one they used to bring messages to their enemies during battles, as they often killed the messenger by beheading them. However, today, Trump is called a schmuck and he hears a compliment.

IQ and HQ

We’ve all seen Trump’s tweets about how high his IQ is. He raves about it all the time, clearly proud of the high numbers he has achieved. It’s not his IQ that he’s talking about though. Trump is actually just sharing his score on the popular trivia game, HQ that he likes to play when he’s not busy spewing nonsense on Twitter or pretending to take on any of the presidential duties. The president simply mixed up the letters and thinks this game he enjoys so much is actually called IQ. So, when he tweeted out to his “haters” and to the “losers” about how high his IQ is, he wasn’t talking to the media or to the citizens of the country he’s running. He was actually talking to those he has beat in the game!

Liar and Lawyer

Trump can’t tell the difference between a liar and lawyer, especially when it comes to his advisors and the people he has hired to help him throughout his presidency. He seems to think that the lies made by him or his people are legal and actually part of his job as president. At least he’s doing something that could be considered work. The president’s advisors encourage him to consider lying as a job so that it keeps him occupied with a nonsensical web of lies while they do what needs to be done to keep our country going.

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