Smallest Penis Pageant Is Short for Contestants [Video]

Is the mass of your manhood getting you down? Do you often find yourself flying at half-mast? Is your partner unimpressed by the length of your sword, or the might of your missile? Do you wish your derringer were a mighty tank turret? Don’t fret, because this contest just might be the thing to lift your wee spirits.

The Kings County Saloon in Brushwick, Brooklyn is at it again with their third annual Smallest Penis Contest this year. It’s set to kick off on June 13, on a Saturday. Management is hopeful for a very good turn out this 2015, as they’ve moved to a much more spacious location. Hopefully, the bigger area will make for a larger audience, more free-flowing drinks, and yes, more miniscule members.

At present, the organizers are a ad bit concerned, as it’s beginning to prove difficult to fill up the slots for contestants.

To help it along, they’ve announced that they’re allowing video entries from all over the world. Contestants, whether in person on on video, will strut their stuff in evening wear, swimwear, and the talent portion of the show, before finally baring it all in a bid to win the crowd in a Question-and-Answer portion.

Don’t scoff just yet, though: the one person to walk away with the grand title of mightiest of minis will also be taking home not just the hearts and respect of petite penis-lovers everywhere, but also a cool cash prize of $500.

Tickets will be sold at the gate (details on the poster above), and VIP tickets may be purchased by reservation. VIP tables come with backstage passes and a “penis-kitten bottle service” available upon request — though we’re not entirely sure what that is.

Until then, we avidly await to see the proud, brave souls step into this spotlight. Cheers, mates!