[Caveat: Many of the photos here are excerpts from the book, and thus can be NSFW-y. View at your own discretion.]
So EL James has just released the newest book in her 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. It’s entitled “Grey”, and is essentially the very same story told from Christian Grey’s perspective. Scott Bryan, an intrepid soul, live-tweeted his experience of reading the book so you won’t have to.
Let the excerpts commence!
The novel itself opens up like this:
Is this what a bloke thinks during sex? I think it's normally "oh yes, that's nice." Not this Shakespearean. #Grey pic.twitter.com/Qds6SSTzzG
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
… Yeah. Okay. I think we pretty much get it.
Writers and Twitter users were all over this paragraph.
@scottygb Did anyone actually edit this? Fisting hand in hair doesn't work. Pinioned doesn't work. Punctuation is all over the place. Jesus!
— Leon Bell (@TweetsByLeon) June 18, 2015
@scottygb no, this is normally now I narrate my shags. I like to do it like I'm the voiceover on Come Dine With Me.
— David Morgan (@thisisdavid) June 18, 2015
@scottygb Fuck knows I love a good pinioning. #Grey
— Napalm Nacey (@napalmnacey) June 19, 2015
@scottygb does she even kow what a pinion is?
— Wendy (@Skittels9) June 18, 2015
As the book unfolds, it seems pretty clear that christian does a lot of thinking — just not quite with the head on his shoulders. I mean, come on.
Grey sounds like a delightful gentleman: "And the sound travels directly to my groin." pic.twitter.com/gHJ4gVP136
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
“music to my d*ck”?! Seriously?!
"IS MUSIC TO MY DICK." #Grey pic.twitter.com/mde6XP4CJO
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
So… much… of it.
This book is very cock obsessed. #Grey pic.twitter.com/Xq7bTkCdDQ
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
I can’t even.
Starting to think that Christian's Grey only friend IS his cock. #Grey pic.twitter.com/CvWB5QLzur
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
Christian! It’s not all about the D!
This is still my favourite section from the book. #Grey pic.twitter.com/ICEojyQfo9
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
The reactions:
@scottygb @methlabforbooty Can't wait to use these on Tinder matches.
"Your swipe right traveled directly to my dick."
— Petra M (@pitradactyl) June 19, 2015
@scottygb 'shouty capitals' is what my grandma sends emails in when she accidentally presses CapsLock and can't figure out how.
— Imperator Furijosa (@jo_bromilow) June 18, 2015
@scottygb Can we get #SHOUTYCAPITALS trending?
— Alice Lloyd (@aliceelloyd) June 18, 2015
And it’s also rather discomfiting to read how he regards Anastasia Steele in all this.
Highlights from the book I didn't tweet earlier. THIS. #Grey pic.twitter.com/zpUVSztZkP
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
Like, hello, Anastasia’s a person? With thoughts?! and feelings?!
"But she wants more. She wants all that romantic shit." #Grey pic.twitter.com/QnhJKWguig
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
Oh dear lord.
Who the hell fucks someone over a kitchen counter table to teach them a lesson? #Grey pic.twitter.com/AHXkRdaZcE
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
Oh, Christian, you’re just a regular Romeo, aren’t you?
Romance isn't dead guys. #Grey pic.twitter.com/HKQ21DYMUu
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
Tweeps chimed in.
@scottygb Not quite, but it is on life support.
— Karen Williams (@karmagrl31276) June 19, 2015
@scottygb No, but chivalry's sure taking a non-sensual beating.
— SH Moron (@tyderium) June 19, 2015
@scottygb Does he have to buy the car because he's ruined the paintwork?
— Stuart Taylor (@stuartctaylor) June 18, 2015
I don’t think we’re ever going to see peeled ginger the same way again.
This book is the worst. I'm so sorry. #Grey pic.twitter.com/KiQ3qFJ7Sg
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
Peeled ginger? you’re not the only one who’s wondering.
@scottygb why does the ginger have to be peeled?
— Gently Northern (@MelOBeeee) June 18, 2015
Oyoyoy. that’s gonna… linger.
@MelOBeeee @scottygb because it would otherwise just be a random piece of root. Peeled it is spicy, much like it is when you eat it.
— Skreee (@Skreee) June 18, 2015
and here’s where I just burst out laughing.
"I want to make you come like a freight train baby." #Grey pic.twitter.com/iryq0JrH5r
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
The responses were hilarious.
@scottygb "Heavily laden with coal and spouting diesel fumes."
— Jim Waterson (@jimwaterson) June 18, 2015
@scottygb "She came like a freight train, not stopping at my station."
— Tom Phillips (@flashboy) June 18, 2015
@scottygb As opposed to coming 10 minutes late and being unable to sit down for 30 minutes, like a South West train…?
— The Media Blog (@TheMediaTweets) June 18, 2015
Don’t even get me started on tea.
"As she tells me she likes her tea weak and black, for a moment I think she's describing what she likes in a man." pic.twitter.com/KgdB3AHIf3
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
Tea lovers of all leanings would not stand for it.
@scottygb She doesn't use loose leaf tea in a pot? bloody heathen
— Pat Long (@PatLongTweets) June 18, 2015
@scottygb Who the hell drinks tea weak and black?
— Lizzie Palmer (@lizziemaypalmer) June 18, 2015
@scottygb How messy can it be to put a dry teabag in a teapot?
— Jk (@probablyhome) June 18, 2015
Scott, we don’t blame you. Not one bit. *hands him a towel and a rubber duckie*
I HAVE FINISHED THE BOOK AND NOW I REALLY NEED A WASH.
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
We’re pretty confused, too.
So a little bit confused what to do with my copy of Grey now. I could throw it, burn it, sell it or flush it down the toilet. CONFUSED.
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 19, 2015
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