Trump Plans To Dress In Camo And Crash The Royal Wedding

Trump to crash the royal wedding

With the royal wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle just days away, it’s safe to say that Donald Trump can stop waiting by the mailbox for his invitation to arrive. However, being Trump, there’s not a chance that he’ll let something as humiliating as this slide without having a plan to get into that wedding. He’s probably had the jet all gassed up, and his tux pressed for months in anticipation of the year’s biggest political event, so there’s no way he’s not going to show up.  As we all know, Trump cares about nothing more than his pride and will go through considerable hoops to keep up appearances.

Sources close to the president (super reliable sources, I promise) claim he has plans to sneak into the royal wedding by dressing from head to toe in camo, all for the sake of getting a selfie for the media and attempting to prove he’s likable. Since Queen Elizabeth, well, hates him, he may have a difficult time getting into the country and sneaking into the reception undetected, regardless of how much camo he wears. Here are a few other disguises Trump may want to consider before crashing the royal wedding.

Trump Can Disguise Himself As Meghan’s Father

Trump to crash the royal wedding

As you may or may not know, Meghan’s father Thomas Markle will likely not attend his daughter’s wedding. After suffering a heart attack last week, he’s currently being hospitalized after a successful heart operation. There was also a scandal over posed photos taken for the paparazzi that left him embarrassed, likely encouraging him further to sit this one out. Trump can take advantage of these unfortunate events and attempt to pass himself off as Mr. Markle. With the right makeup artist, he can definitely get it done. Besides, any security they have wouldn’t question an old white American claiming to be the bride’s father, especially since it doesn’t seem like he has met much of the royal family yet.

Trump Can Attend As An Entertainer

Trump to crash the royal wedding

We can all agree that Trump has few (if any) skills that would get him into the royal wedding masked as an entertainer for the guests. However, he would certainly be able to pull off entertaining their kids as he has so many years of experience acting like a clown. Likely there will be nannies and such who will be keeping an eye on the kids, perhaps even indulging them in another room while the adults get trashed and grind on each other. This is the perfect opportunity for him to slip inside and show his face. While he will definitely have to put on a performance for the kids to make this plan work, he should have no trouble as he’s gotten pretty good at the whole acting thing. I mean, he’s been acting like he’s the United States president for over a year now. Trump might even be lucky enough to get a glimpse of the bride and groom!

Trump Can Get A Job As A Server

Trump to crash the royal wedding

Trump’s best bet for getting into the royal wedding would be to get hired as a catering waiter. Obviously, he’d have to wear some kind of disguise, and he would have had to put his application in months ago to quiet suspicions, but that’s why he has so many people on staff. To handle this sort of thing. Since Trump has never served a single person other than himself in his entire life, he probably won’t go for this idea even though it’s a gem. He’d rather sit in the White House pouting all weekend then carry around a tray of cocktail wieners for a few minutes.

He Can Claim Ignorance

Trump to crash the royal wedding

No one would think twice if Trump showed up to the royal wedding claiming he thought he was invited. What would they do then, turn him away? If the Queen is kept busy with wedding commitments, she won’t have time to keep tabs on the president. Then once he’s in the country, he’s golden. He can even step it up a notch and get ahold of a copy of Prince Harry and Meghan’s wedding invitation, and really sell the lie. Turning away Trump and his entourage wouldn’t look good on the royal family’s part, especially on a day as precious as the royal wedding day. It’s worth a shot.

He Can Take The Queen’s Place When She Gets Tired

Trump to crash the royal wedding

Queen Elizabeth is 92 years old. The chances of her staying out all night with the rest of them while they party at the reception are zero. Once she has retired for the evening, all Trump has to do is sneak into her bedroom, throw on the dress she was wearing, and get to the reception without being seen. Everyone will be far too drunk at the party to notice that it’s actually Trump in a dress and not Queen Elizabeth. He wouldn’t even have to wear much makeup, just cut back on the spray tanning.

He Can Pay A Guest To Take Him As Their Date

Trump to crash the royal wedding

Prince Harry and Meghan’s wedding seems to be pretty casual, so there’s a possibility that a number of their friends and family members were invited with a guest. Since Trump claims to have all this money, he could easily pay off any of these ladies to ditch their dates and take him instead. It’s a loophole that will get him inside the reception without the risk of being dragged out by his hair, and he won’t even have to wear a disguise! The hardest part of this idea would be finding a woman willing to take Trump with them to the wedding. They’d instantly become the topic of discussion and widely hated. If they were part of the royal family, they would probably be shunned for life, so Trump would have to offer more than enough cash to keep her comfortable for the rest of her life. Either that, or he’d have to find someone on Meghan’s guest list who has less to lose. Preferably a frenemy out to get revenge on something Meghan did to her in the past.


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Rose Burke

Freelance writer and art enthusiast, Rose Burke, often writes humorous essays inspired by awkward dating experiences and life’s cruel sense of humor. When she's not doing that, she's typically writing entertainment articles on women's issues, politics, feminism, and other trending topics her readers love. Her work has been published in The Southampton Review, The Conium Review, The Richest, The Independent, CINEMABLEND, and more. Author of the popular feminist blog series "Writings of the Satirical Feminista," Rose is currently focusing on a collection of humorous personal essays while she travels the world.


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