These Jobs Just Might Get You Detained By ICE If You’re Rocking A Summer Tan

Detained By ICE

Whether you’re rocking a tan this summer or naturally have extra skin pigment, it’s certainly a difficult time to be living in the United States as an immigrant these days. Our country’s slogan, “the land of the free,” has been modified and now comes with an asterisk. *America is the land of the free…

*…as long as you’re white, wealthy, straight, and have a pair of testicles between your legs.

Otherwise, ICE is out to get you, and they’re really going after people these days. Even legal immigrants and Americans with skin color other than paper white are being questioned, detained, and much worse. So, if you’re working any of the professions listed below, you might want to carry around documents proving your citizenship. And if you’re an illegal immigrant in any of these jobs, then it just might be time to change professions. Here’s a look at jobs that just might get you detained by ICE, even if you’re legal and just rocking a summer tan.

A Pizza Delivery Person

Detained By ICE

Are you a pizza delivery person? I bet Pablo Villavicencio Calderon could give you a few reasons to find work elsewhere. If you’re one of the six people in the country who hasn’t heard of Calderon, he was delivering a pizza to an army base in Queens, New York when he was asked to show identification to the military police officer on duty. The officer did a background check and saw that there had been a deportation notice from back in 2010, so naturally, he called ICE. Keep in mind that Calderon is married to a U.S. citizen who he has two daughters with and has no criminal record, yet he was detained for 53 days. That’s how long it took them to decide that the man isn’t a danger to society and shouldn’t be deported. Only in America would this happen. Those assholes definitely kept all the pizza he delivered too without paying a dime. Likely this news story inspired hundreds of pizza delivery people all over the country to quit. If you’re an immigrant delivering pizza, it might be time to move on.

A 7-Eleven Cashier

Detained By ICE

These popular convenience stores might be known for their delicious slurpees and late night hours, but they’re also known for hiring illegal immigrants. Who else would work for all those long hours for such little pay? A teenager or an illegal immigrant. That’s it. Unfortunately, this makes 7-Eleven an ideal target for ICE. Earlier this year, ICE raided dozens of store locations promising to not only detain any employees without proper documentation but also to penalize the establishment for hiring them in the first place. Talk about having a rough day at work.

An Immigrant Activist

Detained By ICE

While we all feel like we need to voice our opinions these days, immigrant activists are being targeted by ICE as an attempt to silence them. At least that’s what some leaders of the anti-Trump movement are saying. Of course, ICE has denied this, but dozens of those who’ve spoken out against Trump’s immigration policies have coincidentally been detained and deported recently. Some of these activists were even leaders of major organizations who are determined to end the separation of immigrant families, and even after being detained, they’re determined to fight back. We all want to get involved, but if you’re an undocumented immigrant who hasn’t been much of an activist in the past, perhaps this isn’t the best time to start. Unless, of course, you don’t mind risking being detained.

A Landscaper

Detained By ICE

Landscapers are widely known for being undocumented, making these types of businesses an easy target for ICE should they decide to perform more raids. Things aren’t exactly on the up-and-up within their field either. ICE officers will absolutely arrest people first and ask questions later if they ask questions at all. So, even if you were born and raised in America, if you look like you could possibly be an immigrant, you’re not safe. You’ll be detained along with everyone else, and there’s no telling how long it’ll take for them to question you and finally release you. Especially if you tan easily, working out in the sun all day will only make your situation worse. As we all know, ICE can only see two shades of skin color: white and not-white. And if they consider you not-white, then you’ll find yourself locked in a cage before the day is out.

A Taxi Driver

Detained By ICE

Do you drive a taxi? An Uber? A Lyft? It might provide a decent cash flow, even after taking the cost of cleaning passenger’s vomit into consideration, but being on the road so much might not be the best idea for anyone on ICE’s hit list. Your license plate is too easy to run through the system and identify you, so if ICE is looking for you, then you’re pretty much screwed. Also, you’ll risk being pulled over by a Trump supporter who might take one look at your tanned skin and stick you in handcuffs. These days it’s not good enough to just carry your driver’s license. Even if you’re an American citizen, carry a copy of your birth certificate, social security card, and a photo of yourself taken in the dead of winter when you just might be pale enough to pass as being white. Hang an Irish flag from your rearview mirror. That’ll throw them off for sure.

Jobs To Consider If You’re Avoiding ICE

Detained By ICE

Whether you’re an undocumented immigrant, born and raised in America, or anything in between, you might be actively trying to avoid ICE. No one wants to sit in jail awaiting a trial to determine whether or not they’ll be sent back to a country they might not have lived in for decades, so if your job puts you at risk, then you might want to try one of these. As a maid or housekeeper, you not only stay hidden within the private home of your employer but you can get paid in cash, so no documentation needed. Just make sure to look for a Trump 2020 sign on their lawn when you pull up to their house for an interview. As a cook, you’re pretty much safe. Americans love their food too much to deport anyone who knows how to work a kitchen. Other options are to hide in plain sight as an ICE officer, politician, or any ordinary white person.


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Rose Burke

Freelance writer and art enthusiast, Rose Burke, often writes humorous essays inspired by awkward dating experiences and life’s cruel sense of humor. When she's not doing that, she's typically writing entertainment articles on women's issues, politics, feminism, and other trending topics her readers love. Her work has been published in The Southampton Review, The Conium Review, The Richest, The Independent, CINEMABLEND, and more. Author of the popular feminist blog series "Writings of the Satirical Feminista," Rose is currently focusing on a collection of humorous personal essays while she travels the world.


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