Giant Teddy Bear Victim of Drive-By Shooting

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A giant teddy bear was mercilessly gunned down in an act of violent anti-teddyism.

ost people love teddy bears, or are at the very least indifferent about them; few hate them so much as to drive up to one and pump it full of lead, but that’s what happened in the Alaskan city of Juneau last week. “It looks like what happened was someone drove in, saw the teddy bear, took a couple of shots at it and drove off,” said Juneau Police Department spokesman Lt. David Campbell.

The giant stuffed teddy was being used a driveway marker, and after hearing gunshots early in the morning, homeowner Brian Weed discovered a “small tiny bullet hole” in its face.

Weed, an officer at a nearby correctional center, told the Juneau Empire he believed he was being targeted for his work. “I’m a correctional officer,” he said, “people threaten to kill me and my family like every other day.”

In a follow-up conversation, however, Weed changed his mind, apparently deciding the incident was probably the work of bored kids or a drunk (and armed) driver. “I think being a correctional officer and what goes on in the job, I was worried it was related,” he said. “It still might be … but I’d like to think it was just some idiot shooting at the bear.”

Police say they don’t have any evidence the shooting was related to Weed’s job. “We haven’t received any other information that it was targeting him because of his profession,” Lt. Campbell said on Thursday. “It looks like the shots were aimed at the stuffed animal.”

Police say they learned of the incident when Weed posted about it on Facebook. When asked why he didn’t call the police, Weed said he didn’t think the evidence was worth mentioning. “A bullet hole means nothing,” he said, adding that it would have been a different matter had he found a bullet fragment.

Weed is offering a reward for anyone who has information about the teddy bear killer that leads to their arrest.