This week, UK-based women’s magazine Broadly launched their “Unfollow Me” campaign to raise awarness about stalking.
The movement was inspired by the death of 24-year-old Alice Ruggles in 2016. Ruggles was murdered by her ex-boyfriend Trimaan Dhillion, who broke into her home and slit her throat. This happened despite the fact that Ruggles had reported her abusive ex to the police twice, after Dhillion relentlessly stalked and harrassed her after their split. It was later discovered that Dhillion had a history of abuse, which was not picked up on by police.
Alice Ruggles was murdered by her ex-boyfriend, despite reporting him to the police twice before her death.
We met with Alice’s family to learn about her life, death, and the lessons we need to learn to keep victims of stalking and abuse safe. pic.twitter.com/tNAwUdUZJL
— Broadly (@broadly) July 23, 2018
Sadly, Ruggles wasn’t a rare case. An investigation by Broadly discovered that 49 women are killed every week by partners, ex-partners, or stalkers even though they had previously informed the police about their attacker. This is because there are no fixed rules for monitoring the behaviour of stalkers in the UK, which leaves women at risk, but also because police aren’t taking victims seriously.
Over the last three years, 49 women in the UK were killed by their abusive partner, ex or stalker even though they had ALREADY reported them to the police.
Read @thedalstonyears exclusive #UnfollowMe investigation for Broadly: https://t.co/I8Q5MytvCW
— Zing Tsjeng (@misszing) July 23, 2018
Zing Tsjeng, Editor of Broadly, hopes the campaign will encourage the creation of a stalking register to prevent serial offenders from harrassing other women, as well as force police to take women more seriously when they come to them for help.
If you want to help, support the call from @paladinservice to introduce a Stalkers Register that will help track dangerous offenders. Head to the #UnfollowMe microsite to write to your MP, or sign the petition here https://t.co/FzZIy3g2vM
— Zing Tsjeng (@misszing) July 23, 2018
Inspired by the campaign, women are sharing their own experiences of being stalked, and it makes for some pretty hard reading
The first time I reported one partner stalking me, police came to my door laughed & said “he just wants to talk.” The last time I reported, for threatening my now-husband, police complained it was across jurisdiction and papers spoke to the wrong force, implying I had lied. https://t.co/SoRMCYktUH
— Dr Brooke Magnanti (@belledejour_uk) July 23, 2018
i didnt take my stalker seriously in college and excused some of his behavior (like getting caught smelling my hair) as awkwardness. it wasnt until he was caught watching me from my backyard that i got a temporary restraining order.
— sara david (@SaraQDavid) July 24, 2018
I have my own personal story on top of friends’ stories about stalking and its so frustrating to see it happen over and over again. It would be nice to know the law is there to protect victims instead of predators. Running away doesn’t always help.
— Ariela? (@sailorariela) July 24, 2018
This is exactly what my best friend is going through but she’s too scared to leave him it breaks my heart now I’m actually fucking terrified
— whit? (@whitalexisc) July 24, 2018
One women recounted her horrifying ordeal in a heartbreaking Twitter thread
I’m going to share about one of my stalkers in a comment thread. That wasn’t a typo. I said ONE of my stalkers. Like many women, I’ve had several.#unfollowme https://t.co/6IlgH56qTF
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
I was 21, living alone. One day, a dude walks up to me in the Student Union and says awkwardly flirty shit like “I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.” It was creepy, but always a good girl, I was polite and let him walk me to class. 1/
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
2/ He somehow managed to run into me everywhere, and always the good girl, I agreed to be his friend–against my instincts. I didn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings, you know. When he made it clear he wanted to be more than friends, I was firm in my refusal.
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
3/ He apologized and promised to back off, but that was a lie. He pushed, I refused and told him I’d cut him out of my life if he didn’t back off, he’d apologize, I’d be a good girl and apologize for being a bitch, and the cycle carried on.
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
4/ Eventually, I’d had enough and told him to fuck right off. He started calling me from the pay phone down the street. He could see my apt. and he would tell me he knew I had people over. Then he started leaving presents for me on my doorstep.
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
I kept my windows covered. Kept my doors locked. Let the answering machine pick up all calls. Changed my answering machine message to a clip of Spiderwebs by @nodoubt. Called the police, but they couldn’t do anything. He left messages screaming that he knew I was home.
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
6/ screaming that I was avoiding him. Some messages were saccharine. Inviting me to go to his family’s cabin in another state for a vacation. I ignored all contact. Left gifts to rot on the stoop. Changed my phone number and paid the fee to be unlisted. Couldn’t afford to move.
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
7/ One night, my best friend knocked on the door in his distinctive knock, so I didn’t check the peephole. Stalker Dude pushed me inside and locked the door behind him. Pulled a gun out of his fanny pack. Yes. Fanny pack.
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
8/ Told me he was taking me to his cabin, either in the passenger seat or in the trunk. Told me I needed to relax. He knew what was best for me.
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
9/ All the rage of 21 years of being pushed around flowed out of me. I told him to pull the trigger because I’d never go with him. He aimed the gun. I punched him in the face. Twice.
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
10/ Kicked the fucker out of my apartment. He cried it was a misunderstanding and he was sorry. Begged to stay. I told him I was calling the cops so he’d better run.
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
11/ Six months later, I ran into him in my apt. parking lot. He apologized and gave me a stuffed animal. I told him to fuck off, and I think the only reason he listed is because I was with another man. I donated the toy. Later, I wondered if it had a camera in it.
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
12/ Never heard from him again, though I still can’t handle having doors unlocked or windows uncovered. This was over twenty years ago.#unfollowme #believewomen
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
13/13 Twenty some odd years later, and I still shake when I share that story. I could have died. I don’t know why I didn’t. Lucky, I guess.
— Dannie M Olguin (@DannieMOlguin) July 24, 2018
And it’s not just men that stalk
my ex roommate stalks me. she has doxxed me, sends me “anonymous” letters, sent letters to my friend and family, tried to hack my accounts. cops initially did very little until the 2nd doxxing. #unfollowme
— Amy Harber/Earth-1 Supergirl ????? (@AmyHarber) July 24, 2018
Some were concerned that their abuser is free to stalk others
If there is one thing that keeps upsetting me about my experience is that there is nothing protecting the next woman he does this too. He is free to continue to abuse women and no woman will ever know because his friends don’t say nothing. Breaks ny heart that Alice died.
— Rihanna (@thisgirlrihanna) July 23, 2018
Some of his friends defend him too. The facade they show to the world gets them many defenders. You feel so alone trying to convince even your own family of the crazy of a stalker. ?
— Kelly Pace (@Kel_Pac) July 24, 2018
While some noted that it’s not just women’s responsibility to keep this behaviour in check
AND in adding to my previous post, it is imperative that guys stand up and check other men who act like this. Monsterous behavior cannot stand.
— Edward Truskolaski (@TruskolaskiEd) July 24, 2018
Want to help? You can sign this petition.
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