Whether you’re expecting your first child or you’re up to your ears in diapers, taking some of these parenting tips from the Trumps into consideration will be sure to get your kids institutionalized before they reach puberty. As their parenting ways over the years have been incredibly cold and detached, it’s shocking that any of Donald Trump’s offspring are able to function in society. You might not want to follow any of Trump’s parenting tips, but it might explain why several members of the Trump family turned out the way they did.

Never Tell Your Kids “No”

According to Melania, telling your child “no” affects their creativity. Instead, she suggests letting your child do whatever they’d like. She even mentions the fact that she allows Barron to draw and paint all over his bedroom walls. While this might work for the Trumps, we don’t all have a staff who can clean up and repaint the walls at a moments notice. Also, on what planet would a child who’s allowed to draw on walls limit themselves to just their bedroom? Before you know it, you’ll be finding your child’s artwork all over the house. On the carpet, the wood floors, and throughout the pages of the collector’s edition of your favorite book series that you thought was kept out of reach.

Know Your Parenting Roles

Trump’s sexism isn’t part of his television personality, even though many of his supporters would like to think so. It’s not something he leaves on his front stoop before walking in the door to greet his wife and son. Instead, it’s something he has bragged about in his marriage, one where he feels the woman should do all the work. During several interviews that Trump took part in when Barron was young, he made his parenting style clear to the public saying, “I mean, I won’t do anything to take care of them. I’ll supply funds and she’ll take care of the kids. It’s not like I’m gonna be walking the kids down Central Park.” So, it seems that the Trumps stick to the stereotypical gender roles from the ’50s when it comes to parenting, leaving Trump to do business while Melania stays at home to tend to their son.

Men Don’t Change Diapers

One of Trump’s more well-known parenting tips is that he refuses to change diapers, as he feels that’s the women’s responsibility. This chauvinistic pig even went as far as saying, “There are a lot of women out there who demand that the husband act like the wife, and there are a lot of husbands that listen to that, and so, they go for it.” Our president, of course, would never think of lifting a finger to help his wife with their child. “He didn’t change diapers and I am completely fine with that,” Melania said in a later interview. “It is not important to me. It’s all about what works for you. It’s very important to know the person you’re with. And we know our roles. I didn’t want him to change the diapers or put Barron to bed. I love every minute of it.”

Give Your Kids Space

It seems that kids need their own space in your house according to Melania, aside from just their bedroom. You might not be able to offer your child an entire floor of your home like the Trumps do, but maybe offer up your bedroom as an extra play area. Turn your man cave into an oasis for your children, maybe an indoor water park or an arcade with all the latest gaming equipment. As long as they have a space in your home where they can play on their own, unsupervised, while you take a hot bath.

Tell Your Daughters They’re Hot

It’s important to keep your daughter’s self-esteem up, and rather than do this by spending quality time with her, Trump has found that publicly commenting on her appearance works just as well. From her legs to her breasts, our president has gone on record to say that he’d do his own daughter if they weren’t related. Now that’s how to raise a girl right!

Don’t Let Your Kids Be Losers

It seems that Trump’s biggest concern upon procreation is that his offspring don’t grow up to become losers. In fact, the first thing he said when his son Donald Trump Jr. was born upon naming him was, “What if he’s a loser?” At least that’s according to his ex-wife Ivana who told her account of the moment in her memoir titled Raising Trump. It seems the two of them were relatively perfect for each other as they both have this winners-only perspective of what their family should be. Ivana even spoke about it in her memoir saying, “If you can’t be the best, why bother?”

Provide Them With The Best Skincare Products

Nothing is more important than your kid’s skincare routine, right? Because if you’re not using the most expensive products then your kid might actually get a zit or dry skin one day. So, if you’re looking for the best of the best skincare products, Melania suggests using moisturizer infused with caviar. Part of her skincare line, the first lady claims to rub Barron from head to toe with this crap. However, if you can’t afford to eat caviar then likely you won’t be able to afford this lotion from her skincare line either.

Lead By Example

Both Donald and Melania have said in interviews that it’s important to be a good role model, her for Barron and him for his seemingly endless amount of children. If they were to take their own advice, then it seems the example they’re giving their children is quite questionable. Melania’s career as a model who left little to the imagination gave off the impression that she is a powerful, no-nonsense type of woman who would teach her children to be the same. However, Trump’s bank accounts seemed to have worked their magic on her because now she seems to be an oppressed version of her former self who is forced to raise a child on her own while her husband runs around the country with other women. Not the best example, but not too bad either. Especially when compared to the president who can’t seem to keep it in his pants no matter how young and hot any of his three wives are at the time. As the father of five children (that we know about) the words that spew from the hole in Trump’s face are narcissistic, sexist, homophobic, racist, moronic… am I leaving anything out? Hardly the best example for a child.