How To Piss Off A Conservative 101

Piss Off A Conservative

Conservatives might think all liberals are fragile snowflakes, but we all know just how delicate they are as well. In fact, they might just be easier to trigger than most of us on the left. (If you’re a Republican, then reading that ticked you off a bit didn’t it?) If you’re looking for a lesson or two on how to piss off a conservative, then you’ve come to the right place. Start your next conversation with a conservative with one of these beauties!

On The Environment

Piss Off A Conservative

1. The Earth has been and always will be round. There are photos to prove it. 

2. Climate change has been proven by numerous scientists. Denying its existence won’t make it go away. 

3. Trump’s denial of global warming doesn’t just affect us in America; it affects everyone on Earth.

On History

Piss Off A Conservative

4. The Founding Fathers were liberals. Says something doesn’t it?

5. The Cold War ended many years ago. The south lost and the Soviet Union no longer exists. Remember?

6. The Confederate Flag may not have been designed to be a symbol of racism and white supremacy, but it is now. Take them down.

On Diversity

Piss Off A Conservative

7. Having a black friend doesn’t mean you’re not racist, just like having a wife doesn’t mean you’re not sexist.

8. More white males have committed terrorist acts in America than Muslims (or anyone brown enough for a conservative to consider Muslim).

9. Obama is Christian. Not Muslim.

10. Conservative business owners despise immigrants for taking jobs from Americans yet outsource as much work as possible overseas because it’s cheaper. Explain how that makes sense.

On Sexism

Piss Off A Conservative

11. Pro-choice does not mean pro-abortion. It simply means allowing women to make the best decision for themselves. Pro-abortion is actually not a point-of-view considered in this debate.

12. Women will have abortions no matter what the law says. Roe v Wade ensures women are provided with safe abortions and saves hundreds of lives. (And that’s lives of real, living, breathing women. Not fetuses.) Taking away this right just means more women will be forced to go back to using metal hangers and other dangerous abortion methods.

13. Telling a woman to smile is creepy. It’s not a compliment.

14. Telling a female that they’re good at something “for a woman” is sexist.

15. Miscarriages aren’t murder. Abortions aren’t murder. Murder is murder.

16. Birth control does more than prevent pregnancy. It helps treat several medical conditions and should be easily available for anyone who needs it.

17. Anti-gay, but pro-lesbian porn? How does that work?

On The Bible

Piss Off A Conservative

18. The Bible was written in order to teach people morals. It wasn’t intended to be taken so literally.

19. Hating someone because they’re gay is anti-Christian. No matter what the Bible says.

20. The Bible also says that divorce is a sin. And that you can’t be fat. Or eat shellfish. Looks like we’re all going to hell.

21. Gay marriage is great for the economy. They also adopt babies that are stuck in foster care, and we need fewer kids in the system.

On Gun Control

Piss Off A Conservative

22. Gun control in other countries has proven to prevent mass shootings.

23. Conservatives don’t understand that gun control doesn’t mean gun elimination. No one’s coming to take your gun collection away.

24. Thinking the second amendment is more important than school children’s lives is like thinking to prevent abortions is more important than taking care of children who’ve already been born.

On Trump

Piss Off A Conservative

25. Trump has no idea what he’s doing in office.

26. Trump has spent more tax dollars than Obama could have if he tried. Mostly on his weekly vacations to Mar-a-Lago to play golf.

27. The wall will never be built.

28. Trump should be in prison for sexual assault and rape. Not acting as president of the United States.

29. Trump hates immigrants. Unless they’re white of course.

30. Trump doesn’t have a dog at the White House because no dog would have him.


Now that you’ve completed our course How To Piss Off A Conservative 101, you’re ready to take on any Republican who comes your way!


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Rose Burke

Freelance writer and art enthusiast, Rose Burke, often writes humorous essays inspired by awkward dating experiences and life’s cruel sense of humor. When she's not doing that, she's typically writing entertainment articles on women's issues, politics, feminism, and other trending topics her readers love. Her work has been published in The Southampton Review, The Conium Review, The Richest, The Independent, CINEMABLEND, and more. Author of the popular feminist blog series "Writings of the Satirical Feminista," Rose is currently focusing on a collection of humorous personal essays while she travels the world.


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