Just in case you think your home feed needs a little more entertainment value, we’ve plunged the depths of Twitter to find the weirdest, most insane accounts imaginable. Some of these individuals are just screwing around. Some of them are painfully, awkwardly serious, and should probably seek immediate psychological evaluation.
Still, regardless of their original intentions, you will get a non-stop vaudevillian parade of absolute batshit insanity when you follow:
1. The Iron Sheik
He’s the legend. He’s got an IndieGogo campaign. He’s got a movie, he’s got opinions, and he’s got a Twitter account because FUCK YOU THAT’S WHY.
#MyLastWordsWillBe Go fuck yourself
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) October 18, 2013
come to my roast Canada https://t.co/gvLR5GChzi or go Fuck yourself forever — The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) October 17, 2013
wake the fuck up you dumb son of a bitch — The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) October 16, 2013
The Iron Sheik’s Deadly Social Sin: Stubbornness.
hello @officialjaden how about you come see me so i can beat the fuck out of you and show you are dumb no good son of a bitch punk jabroni — The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) October 16, 2013
Nothing ruins a good online conversation like the complete inability to admit you may have been wrong.
2. Sokhavy Hilton
We’ve spoken to Sokhavy in the past, but we really can’t seem to parse this guy. He’s a “Party King” between Oakland and and Tacoma, and his aggressive self-promotion knows no equal.
@derek_jeter23 unfollowed? uh okay lol — Sokhavy Hilton (@SokhavyHilton) October 16, 2013
SNAP CHAT ME !!! MY USERNAME IS SOKHAVYHILTON — Sokhavy Hilton (@SokhavyHilton) October 14, 2013
@Hoya2aPacer Follow back bruh — Sokhavy Hilton (@SokhavyHilton) October 12, 2013
Sokhavy Hilton’s Deadly Social Sin: Narcissism.
Its funny how people only wanna hang out with you, just so they can get to hang out with me Lol — Sokhavy Hilton (@SokhavyHilton) October 11, 2013
It is kind of funny.
3. Common Squirrel
You’ve probably seen Common Squirrel on other crazy Twitter follows lists, and for good reason. Just in case you ever wanted the inside track on a Tehran-based squirrel’s day-to-day, this is your guy.
jump jump jump jump
— common squirrel (@common_squirrel) October 18, 2013
run run run run run — common squirrel (@common_squirrel) October 18, 2013
hop — common squirrel (@common_squirrel) October 17, 2013
Common Squirrel’s Deadly Social Sin: He Cares Too Damn Much.
And we did it! $1500 raised to fight cancer. You guys are amazing. Thank you thank you thank you! I’ll return this space to squirrel tweets. — common squirrel (@common_squirrel) October 17, 2013
With all the running, jumping and hopping going on in addition to his charitable efforts, it’s hard to believe his busy schedule hasn’t taken a toll on his squirrel family.
4. Steve Rogers
We’re actually going to turn this one over to Steve.
LOL I CAN UNDERSTAND BITCHES COMPLAINING ABOUT CELBS GETTING SURGERY ENHANCEMENTS BUT MEN DOING IT SMH — Steve Rogers (@NO_TATS_B) October 17, 2013
JOE BUCK SHOULD JUST WEAR A RED SOX HAT IN THE BOOTH WHEN HE CALLS THEIR GAME ALL HE DOES IS DICK SUCK THEM FOR 3 HOURS PLUS — Steve Rogers (@NO_TATS_B) October 17, 2013
SPANISH NIGGAS GAY — Steve Rogers (@NO_TATS_B) October 16, 2013
Steve Rogers’ Deadly Social Sin: CAPS LOCK.
YOU MEAN FAT BITCHES RT @gotPHONICKS: Only people who find Khloe Kardashian attractive are heterosexual females. So there. — Steve Rogers (@NO_TATS_B) October 17, 2013
HA YOOU SAID IT.
5. Florida Man
He’s not the hero Florida needs right now, and hey, he’s not really the one they deserve. Still, Florida has its own Fark category for a reason. Some pretty oddball shit happens there every day.
Florida Man Celebrates World Vasectomy Day With Public Vasectomy | https://t.co/CG7ZaGjMv6
— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) October 18, 2013
Florida Man Arrested For Lighting, Throwing Fireworks Inside Walmart While High on Synthetic Marijuana | https://t.co/gIAlirHwLS — Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) October 18, 2013
Florida Man Found Keeping Pet Alligator in Backyard Hot Tub, Tells Police He Inherited it From Previous Residents | https://t.co/if8cfzsCYs — Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) October 17, 2013
Florida Man’s Deadly Social Sin: Doesn’t Follow Back.
What the fuck, dude?
6. Rachael Sacks
Rachael Sacks is pretty new to Twitter controversy. She has gone viral this week (apparently over some column she wrote), and even scored her own highly-unflattering Gawker profile. But she’s a Daria fan, how bad can she be?
A small Asian child grabbed my vag in just sweet most action I’ve gotten in months — Rachael Sacks (@RAnSacks) October 5, 2013
This asian storms in waddling and clutching her backpack. What the fuck? — Rachael Sacks (@RAnSacks) October 3, 2013
Crazy Afro bitch shows up to class with two massive suitcases. You fleeing the country bb? — Rachael Sacks (@RAnSacks) October 3, 2013
Rachael Sacks’ Deadly Social Sin: The Humblebrag.
I’m rolling my eyes because I definitely don’t deserve this much attention. — Rachael Sacks (@RAnSacks) October 17, 2013
I guess her real sin is simply “she’s trending.”
7. Big Ben
Bong bong bong bong bong, bong bong bong bong. Bong, bong bong bong bong-bong, bong bong bong bong.
BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG — Big Ben (@big_ben_clock) October 18, 2013
BONG BONG BONG BONG
— Big Ben (@big_ben_clock) October 18, 2013
BONG BONG
— Big Ben (@big_ben_clock) October 18, 2013
Big Ben’s Deadly Social Sin: Redundancy.
BONG
— Big Ben (@big_ben_clock) October 18, 2013
If you spot any hopelessly insane Twitter handles in your travels, shoot me a retweet and the account holder’s deadly sin here.
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