Adam Schiff Issues Blistering Response to “Little Adam” Tweet

California Democrat Adam Schiff has responded in characteristically fiery style to President Trump’s tweet sent earlier this week, which accused the House Intelligence Committee’s top-ranking Democrat of being a liar and a leaker, adding that he must be stopped. In that tweet, President Trump addressed congressman Schiff as “little Adam” and it’s this height-related jab that seems to have most infuriated Schiff. The democrat has insisted that he is “the opposite of little. Big. Way bigger than him” and suggested he and the 45th president “settle this thing the old-fashioned way” before clarifying,  “we should go back-to-back”.

President Trump took to Twitter on Monday, in what some have described as an effort to distract from the ongoing memos fiasco, which saw Republican Devin Nunes release what he claimed to be incontrovertible evidence that the intelligence agencies had colluded against the Trump campaign. According to our analysts though, the memo was a fraud. The Democrats have submitted a rebuttal to Nunes’ memo which was approved by committee on Monday, the President has 5 days from that point to decide whether or not to allow the memo to be published.

The Exclusive Interview

Speaking to our reporter, congressman Adam Schiff pulled no punches in his rebuttal to the President’s controversial tweet.

“Look, attack my credentials, attack my honesty and my integrity. Accuse me of illegal acts which in the eyes of some people, myself included, would amount more-or-less to treason. Make barely-veiled threats. Call me a leaker, if you like”

At this point the congressman’s jaw clenched dramatically and his eyes glazed over slightly as he stared intensely out the window. The pencil he’d been twirling between his substantial hands suddenly snapped in his clenched fist.

“But never, ever, question my stature”

“Frankly I can’t believe it. I can’t believe the state of our political system, that these are the type of accusations being casually slung around by our commander-in-chief. To say I’m little? I’m no Luther Strange – that dude’s a damn freak – but any man who’s ever met me will tell you I’m at least 6’, especially with thick-soled shoes on. And Trump’s no giant himself, I don’t care what his doctor says, I wouldn’t put him much over 5’11, without the toupee”

“Yet again, the president projects his own glaring insecurities and wrongdoings onto others through an angry Twitter diatribe, it’s as though he doesn’t see how entirely transparent it is. As though he thinks we’re as stupid as he is. More than anything, it’s incredibly immature. Besides, I just remembered my dad measured me a while ago and I’m 6’2”

Schiff remain seated throughout our interview, even as we got up to leave, but did wish to impart on our readers that he is “sufficiently massive in terms of height, as well as intellect” and did provide a picture which he says offers conclusive evidence of his impressive height.

Adam Schiff, Donald Trump
An photograph sent to us by one of Congressman Schiff’s staff after the interview

Sarah Huckabee Sanders weighs in

After several news outlets ran with Schiff’s comments and apparent challenge to the President, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was quick to downplay the prospect of the Trump agreeing to such a contest against Congressman Schiff.

“We’d be very wary of any attempt by the Democrats, likely working hand-in-glove with you media-vultures, to make our glorious commander-in-chief appear to be smaller than he actually is in the kind of contest that the disgraced and power-hungry Congressman Schiff has requested”

Pushed further on what exactly she meant by this, Sanders clarified:

“Look, it is the president’s view that any contest of this sort would likely succumb to interference from shadowy, Washington deep-state figures working to discredit and undermine him. He is confident that Mr Schiff is indeed, little, and that he himself is, in fact, incredibly large, much taller than little Adam”

Little Adam Schiff, Donald Trump
Responding to one question about the height of President Trump, Sanders fired back angrily “Are you questioning the height of our Commander-in-Chief? I bet you’re from CNN, right?”

Questioned whether the President would accept any other kind of contest in an effort to determine who of the two men might be the taller, Sanders added:

“I would imagine that there may be a circumstance in which the president would consider such a contest. We would have to brief with the Pentagon and NASA to get a grasp of what method would be least susceptible to aggressive interference and would produce the most accurate result. Maybe something with lasers, perhaps a quantum measure of some description. We are also considering  the lines-drawn-on-the-wall method, but we couldn’t confirm anything at this time”

The President has not as yet responded personally to the Congressman’s comments, but is expected to make a completely rational and well-mannered response at any moment.

What does this mean, going forward?

Most experts on petty-squabbles agree that this escalation in rhetoric between Trump and Schiff is unlikely to end at a back-to-back, and could mean further, even more dangerous* clashes in the future. One such expert, Professor A.L Quandaloo from the University of Missouri, had this to say

“This is bad, really really bad. This kind of discourse is incredibly damaging, not only to the individuals involved, but for this country”

“Now OK, Trump shouldn’t have called him little – by all accounts I’ve heard that the Congressman is rather tall, in fact – but Schiff’s rash decision to challenge the President to a back-to-back in order to solve this, will only result in an escalation beyond that level of conflict, to something much, much worse”

“I wouldn’t be surprised, now that we’ve descended to these depths, to hear Congressmen calling for Thumb-Wars, Arm-Wrestles or other such drastic methods to resolve dispute”

“That way, madness and chaos lie” He added, before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

It remains to be seen whether or not the President will continue to make such inappropriate accusations via social-media, though given his track record it seems likely. Americans must be vigilant during this time, today Trump may lie about the height of a political adversary, tomorrow, it could the height of you or your family.

Ethan Shone


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