Dear People Who Hate Exercise; Love, Twitter

Dear people who loathe exercise — you are not alone. We know how it feels like having to scroll through countless #EatClean and #GetFit hashtag post, only for another one to pop up on your dashboard. Oh, as if your gym thing never happened without the rest of the world having to know about it with your selfie? </bitter>

Exercise

But hey, we know you do try — sometimes — once in a blue moon? And we know how tough the gym scene can get. So here are a collection of tweets all about the horrors of gym exercise. You’re welcome.

Because this is just all about as chummy you’re willing to get with the space in question.

Man, my gym is really crowded today, I imagine.

— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) March 22, 2014

I go to the gym so infrequently that I still call it the James.

— Alec Sulkin (@thesulk) April 8, 2013

Because there are other things more worthwhile doing… right?

I went to the gym today, just kidding I went to the park and yelled at birds

— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) May 10, 2015

“Oh, I’m so fit like you wouldn’t believe! Aha, ahahahahahanot really.”

“How often do you exercise?”
About 3 to 4 times a week.
“Be honest.”
2003.

— ladybroseph (@ladybroseph) November 3, 2014

Because you try getting into this stretchy-tight, constricting piece of torture garment when you’re anywhere beyond a Double-D. I dare you.

*puts on sports bra*
Well, that’s enough exercise for today…

— Bogadafet (@bogadafet) October 15, 2015

*struggling to breathe and plastered with sweat*

I’m sure the pain a woman feels during childbirth is nothing compared to the intense pain I endure at the gym during 3-4 minutes of cardio.

— Mark Leggett (@markleggett) May 27, 2015

Where’s that exercise hormone when you need it?!

Why would you even say that?!

I don’t understand why people say hurtful things like “Wanna go for a run?” or “Try this Kale.”

— Michael Jr. (@Michaeljrcomedy) June 20, 2015

kimcrydashian

DOCTOR: Do you do any aerobic exercise?
ME: Huh?
DOCTOR: Like where you sweat
[flashback to me sweating while eating KFC]
ME: Yes

— Hippo (@InternetHippo) December 23, 2014

And that murderous feeling when people just sing the praises of their gym.

Do people who say, “Exercise helps me relax” know about not exercising?

— Robin McCauley (@RobinMcCauley) May 24, 2013

And quitting gyms make you feel like you’ve just sold your soul to the devil.

“I’d like to cancel my gym membership”
ok I will need $2500, written permission from Oprah, and a 30 page thesis on why ur a piece of shit.

— jaf (@TheDreamGhoul) April 27, 2015

Then again, there are always upsides to a gym membership, right?

Gym Instructor: So what’s your favourite machine to use here at the gym?

Me: The Vending Machine

— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple) August 30, 2014

On the list of reasons why I should go to the gym today:
4) We’re out of toilet paper.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 22, 2015

I can’t find the part of this gym where the exercise stuff is, so I’m just gonna get a smoothie and take a nice shower.

— Paula Pell (@perlapell) April 8, 2015