Everyone has been there:
When you see a sign for an “Asian Spa” or “Massage Parlor” in a location that neither requires a massage parlor nor has a single person living nearby, you use your Russell-Crowe mentality to crack the code and read the sign as it was intended to be read: ” The Handjobs ‘R Us”
Your mind is immediately flooded with ideas:
How much would something like this cost me? What do I receive?” Is this prohibited?” Is that just the way spa services are provided, or are all of the massage therapists here asian massage spa near-me?” You end up putting the thought where all unlikely sexual scenarios go – in the back of your mind – until one day… Maybe you broke up with your girlfriend, maybe you just got paid, or maybe your internet is down, but the thought of the parlor comes to mind. You make the decision to enter… you know, just to investigate, and you find yourself immediately lost:
- What shall I do?
- What should I do?
- What is causing the lobby to be stained?
Fortunately for you, I have conducted numerous searches for an asian massage near me and can now confidently advise you on how to get swindled view more.
Dress the Part:
First and foremost, don’t wear a police uniform. It may seem funny to you, but the girls won’t. You will need to wear something that strikes a balance between “I just staggered in here” and “I’m ready to quickly whip out my penis.” Because they are simple to put on and take off, shorts and a t-shirt are the go-to outfits. Avoid button-up shirts because it is difficult to put them on when you are overcome with overwhelming guilt and you are more likely to miss a button.
Versus the numerous PUBLIC baths we are compelled to take because we live in Ancient Rome. Don’t show off and don’t wear your best clothes because a) you’re dealing with women who don’t really care and b) these kinds of places rarely spend a lot of money on luxuries like hooks and hangers so you can store your clothes.
The selection of underwear is also crucial. Avoid silk if you don’t want to look worse than your “date” and wear boxers that fit loosely and won’t make you feel embarrassed to be seen in.
Voice inside: Okay, let’s do this; we’re being rubbed and pulled! Woo!
Penis: Yay!
Voice inside: Okay, so what should we wear? Does it resemble a formal date?
Penis: All of it will end up on the ground, so who cares? Know why? because I’m going to be touched today!
Be the New Guy:
Visualize a wild animal entering a rave as your inspiration throughout your time at the parlor. Aside from the girls working, look around aimlessly at the floor, walls, and ceiling. You should grunt, nod your head, and continue looking around when you are finally approached and asked if you want a massage.
If you’ve never been to a massage parlor before, you should probably say no because you don’t really understand how this works. The key is to be as economical as possible when you are asked how long you want the massage to last. Choose the lowest price because that is all that is paid to the owner; Tips help the girls make money. At this point, you shouldn’t try to suggest sex because you’ll just come across as stupid, and the escort might not respect you.
When the girl shows you to the room, she will instruct you to undress and lie down while she goes to get ready. Lay face down and wait for the girl to return, taking off everything but your boxers.
Voice inside: Wow, how disgusting is this place? Why is the air so damp? Do I wish to learn?
Penis: Okay, I see women. I’m getting up for this, as well as a lot of cleavage.
Voice inside: We’re being approached, so keep it cool and act casual.
Lady of Massage: Hey there! Would you like a massage?
You: Yes, of course. I’ll just go with the half-hour massage; what’s included in that?
Lady of Massage: It includes a massage – we only provide massages here.
Penis: Giggidy!
What do you do here?
The most crucial step in the procedure is this. You should be at ease when the girl comes in; Your raging erection caused by the low-cut top she is wearing should be concealed by the fact that you are lying face down. Start making small talk with her as she begins to give you the worst back massage you’ve ever had. Talk about anything other than how she’s milking your cock and where you’re from. Brownie points if, as a result of your pickup basketball mishap, you tell her to really “get in deep on the shoulders.”
You should feel like a masseuse and a client with her by the time she finishes your rubdown. Do your best “deer-in-a-rave” impression once more whenever she makes a hint about a job; Try to appear as uneasy as possible by squinting your brow, looking around aimlessly, settling in one spot, and shifting around. She should realize that you really don’t know much about this and proceed to explain the price to you, probably with happy ending code words. When she does, pretend to be leaving by looking around (starting to put on your t-shirt for dramatic effect) and mentioning that you only have $20.
Watch the magic unfold after that get more.
Whore: You don’t have to listen to random conversation* Penis: When does she get close to me?
Voice inside: I’m getting tired of hearing her talk about her haircut, so this is a good question.
Whore: So, would you like me to touch…there?
Penis: Jackpot!
You: Wow, I had no idea. Wow, I only have $20.
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