Meantime In Vegas: Man steals 40-pound, 3-foot-tall dildo from sex shop


sex shop

A cockamamie criminal act was pulled off by a hardened malefactor — by heisting a mammoth dildo from a sex shop in Las Vegas.

The masked perpetrator was busted on video as he swaggered into the Déjà Vu Love Boutique in Sin City and seized the giant 3-foot-tall, 40-pound shaft positioned on the sales floor, according to reports. The man lifted it up over his right shoulder and nervelessly left the sex shop, stuffed the member into his car, and rode off. Staffer Ryan Carlson told local reporters: “Sadly, the pandemic has encouraged even the scummiest of scumbags to steal the strangest products from innocent businesses.

sex shop
via TMZ

“This landmark item in our store is worth nearly $2,000, so if you happen to see a 3-foot penis sitting around, please turn in the 6-foot-tall dick who stole it. We can only hope that this thief finds Jesus and returns the item or the law finds him and throws him in prison where he belongs!” Laura, another store worker, who refused to give her last name, told reporters that the alarming phallus is dubbed The Moby, presumptively in homage to “Moby-Dick, ” Herman Melville’s classic.

It’s a pilfer on Amazon, where the massive dildo is listed as “the world’s largest retail dildo” and goes for $586.  The listing states: “There may even be a soul out there brave or talented enough to use Moby as a traditional dildo.” Just know, if someone uses The Moby as a traditional dildo, we’ll be the first outlet to furnish you with the good news.

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Aaron Granger

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