New York City Has Officially Endorsed Glory Holes Due To COVID-19

The New York City Department of Health appears to have whisperingly endorsed the utilization of glory holes as a sex safeguard.

In an offhand, three-page document called “Safer Sex and COVID-19,” the NYC department furnished a number of common-sense points for curtailing the circulation of the novel coronavirus via lewd activities. Hook up with unknowns less, masturbate more, health officials recommend. A germ that spreads through mucus and saliva makes kissing chancy. Wash your grubby hands. Those types of things.

Then, they wrote this: “Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact.” Hindrances, certainly. Dams and condoms are impediments, for instance. There is an abundance of sexual layouts also that don’t entail facial propinquity. Walls, though, seem like a peculiarly tailored suggestion. Frankly, we cannot think of any sexual behavior that requires a load-bearing framework other than the employment of a glory hole.

Perhaps the unusual aim was—per the report’s other proposals—for routine sex partners who share living space to drill a hole in the wall of their apartment or house? Maybe there’s a whole world of wall-premised erotic acts that we can engage in without losing our security deposit. Dr. Demetre Daskalakis, Deputy Commissioner for Disease Control and Incident Commander for the Health Department’s COVID-19 response, elaborated though: “We trust our audience and New Yorkers are creative enough to know what this means.”

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