Woman Breaks Into CIA Headquarters 4 Times Asking For An ‘Agent Penis’

Photo by CIA/The Atlantic

One does not simply walk into a place such as the CIA headquarters. After all, the government spends a huge budget for that place every year in order to destabilize third world countries keep America “safe.” However, that doesn’t mean they’re immune to ridicule; just recently, a woman punked a CIA headquarters several times by trespassing and asking for a guy designated as “Agent Penis.”

58-year-old Jennifer Hernandez is the woman in question and she was caught sneaking in a CIA headquarters in Virginia, US a total of four times in the past two weeks. Apparently, Hernandez had several “excuses” for trespassing but the most notable one was that she wanted to speak to a man with the codename “Agent Penis.” It’s not known whether she had confused it for “Agent Johnson.”

Hernandez was escorted to the nearest bus station after her final attempt to trespass the CIA headquarters. Still, according to the agent who escorted her, Hernandez refused to leave. Hence, she was placed under arrest with a charge of Class B misdemeanor offense.

“Upon arrival, the defendant provided her Iowa identification card, requested to recover her North Carolina identification card, and requested to ‘speak to Agent Penis,'” according to the court documents. This was during her final attempt to break into the CIA headquarters on May 4. Prior to those, she also attempted to enter several times without success.

“After a review of records, I determined that CIA police officers had encountered the defendant on several recent occasions, and had cited her for trespassing on the previous evening,” as stated by court documents for Hernandez’ case.

On her first visit on April 22, Hernandez claimed that she applied for a job at the said CIA headquarters and that her recruiter told to just come inside the office. She left after being told she was trespassing. On May 1 and 2, she came back with the same reasons and was also promptly told to leave. So she did. She never got to talk to Agent Penis.

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Natividad Sidlangan
Sid was born, did some stuff, then decided to become a writer. He is now on a quest to farm some accolades and life experiences so that he can boast about them in his online 'about yourself' page. So far, the only thing he was able to boast about is a handlebar mustache.


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