Having moved on from a bad date, 3 months later, Kimberley Latham-Hawkesford got an unexpected message full of dating tips from her past esquire.
Kimberley, 24, matched a man – who for the sake of inconspicuousness we will refer to as Billy Bob – on Tinder, and after about a week of messaging, they elected to meet up.
The pair met for coffee, then went to a pub, and suddenly things went left when Billy asked her if she’d get plastic surgery and suggested stores she should shop prior to their next date. The icing on the cake was when Kimberley offered to pay the bill, for that’s when Billy got appalled and showed her his phone with his bank balance on it!
Having moved on from the dreadful rendezvous, 3 months later Kimberley received an unanticipated message from Billy. The message commenced: “Hello Kimberley, I know we went on a date quite a while ago now but I’d like to explain why I haven’t messaged you.
“I feel like you could have made the date much better, here’s a few reasons why. I apologize if I offend you. If you lost some weight you would look incredible. Maybe a stone or so. You are very pale. I know you aren’t a fan of the sun but a bit of fake tan wouldn’t hurt,” Billy continued. “You have quite big boobs so you should show off your cleavage more. I think you need to wear clothes that suit your figure and maybe update your style slightly. Just so I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you.
“You need to dye your hair a normal color and add extensions. Longer hair is much more attractive. You need to look more natural, stop wearing make up. Just make yourself look decent but don’t overkill it. Your lips have gone down so you should think of getting more filler. I know you said you regretted it but filler would make you sexier. You need so much more confidence, confidence is sexy! The fact you take things slow makes you look like a prude. I didn’t get a kiss which messed with my ego. Be more sensitive to others’ feelings. When we got food, I know you got a salad but having full fat coke is more calories you don’t need.
“You need to keep your past to a minimum. I don’t care about it and what you went through. Get a sense of humor, you didn’t laugh at a single one of my jokes. You just seemed a bit stuck up. Sort your personality out. You made me feel shit when you offered to pay. It’s like you thought I didn’t have enough money after telling you how much is in my account. You didn’t compliment me once. If you take these on board I might consider another date. I will give you a month and get back in touch to see if this made a difference. Good day to you Kimberly.”
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