The vortex of crap swirling around Donald Trump is so immense that it’s easy to miss some of D-Train’s most absurd statements. Keeping track of the whole shebang is an overwhelming (and exhausting) proposition; it’s also rough differentiating the actual scandals, and the bullshit misdirect scandals Donald Trump uses to distract you from the latest terrible thing he’s trying to get away.
On the scale from “Our Country is Falling Apart” to “Jesus, Can We Please Focus on Something Worthwhile,” Trump’s recent claim that he predicted the attacks of September 11 definitely pushes the needle firmly into the bullshit category.
Some Retired Navy Guy Is Pissed at Trump
A few weeks ago, retired U.S. Navy Admiral Bill McRaven was asked his thoughts about Trump’s longtime war on the press. McRaven, who you might recognize as the guy who orchestrated the assassination of a real dick licker named Osama bin Laden, echoed the same stuff he’s been saying for two years. Namely, McRaven asserted that Donald Trump’s labeling of the press as the “enemy of the people” was the “greatest threat to democracy” in his expansive career.
So, the dude that killed Osama-fucking-bin Laden thinks one single aspect of Trump’s administration is the most dangerous shit he’s ever encountered.
And, Of Course, Somebody Had to Tell 45
So, a few days later, when he was doing some softball interview for Fox News Sunday, Trump was asked about his own to generate his own response to McRaven’s comments. The President, naturally, treated the critique as though McRaven had just shoved him on the playground and called his mom tubby. Trump not only called the comments bullshit, he also inferred that McRaven sucked at his job.
Apparently, the comments really stuck in Trump’s craw, because the next morning during his daily Twitter rant/poop time, the President repeated the malarkey about McRaven being inept and added that he pointed out Osama bin Laden in a book he wrote before the 9/11 attacks. So, if only we’d listened to Trump, 2,977 innocent victims (and 19 hijackers) might still be alive …
It’s like the only way Donald Trump knows to deflect criticism is to turn to his opponent, kick ‘em in the balls, and then rant about how fabulous he is.
Hey, On a Completely ‘Unrelated’ Note
You want to hear something fascinating?
An article published by Psychology Today says that there are four signs you can look for if you want to tell if a person is insecure.
If they try to make other people feel insecure, that’s probably bad. It’s also not great if someone has a hard-on for showcasing their own accomplishments, complains that things could be better, or uses a “humble brag” too frequently. In the tweet above, Trump is literally three for four.
To his credit, he’d probably never hit the fourth one. Not that he’s not smart enough to formulate a brag that sounds like an insult … okay, he’s probably not smart enough, but he’s also genetically incapable of doing anything humbly.
TL;DR — Just in case you start to buy into Trump’s braggadocio, just realize that he’s just some small-handed nitwit who’s obsessed with proving that he’s the mother-fucking best.
And he will stomp you into the ground to do it.
But, I digress.
Here’s What Really Happened …
When Trump tweeted about predicting bin Laden’s horrific attack, he was referencing some book he “wrote” in 2000, called The America We Deserve. It’s a gorgeous tome filled with kind of spray-tanned paranoia we’ve all come to know and fear. If you missed it when it originally came out, we get it. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was not only a more rewarding read, it was also a 400-plus-page beast of a book.
Anyway, here’s the quote from the book Trump is talking about:
“Instead of one looming crisis hanging over us, we face a bewildering series of smaller crises, flash points, standoffs, and hot spots. We’re not playing the chess game to end all chess games anymore. We’re playing tournament chess — one master against many rivals. One day we’re all assured that Iraq is under control, the UN inspectors have done their work, everything’s fine, not to worry. The next day the bombing begins. One day we’re told that a shadowy figure with no fixed address named Osama bin-Laden is public enemy number one, and U.S. jetfighters lay waste to his camp in Afghanistan. He escapes back under some rock, and a few news cycles later it’s on to a new enemy and new crisis …”
So, yeah, Trump did mention bin Laden in a book he “wrote” in 2000. In the next paragraph, he also mentioned the World Trade Center. A few pages later, he mentioned the possibility of an attack on American soil.
The thing is, Trump used bin Laden as just some rando Islamic extremist. He wasn’t a mastermind. He was just some brown guy with a different religion. Trump could have just as easily used Kim Jong-il. Or Voldemort. Seriously, Goblet of Fire was the straight shit.
When Trump referenced the WTC, he was actually referring to the first bombing. Trump also thought the big attack on the United States would be chemical. At no point in The America We Deserve did Trump get anywhere close to even potentially possibly remotely suggesting that anything like September 11 or an Osama bin Laden spearheaded attack would come to pass.
He’s Using a Terrorist Event to Distract From a Terrorist Event
That said, Trump may as well have accomplished his goal. The question started out being: why the is the Leader of the Free World suggesting that a free press is the “enemy of the people”? By the time the day was over, people had to spend their time wondering if stupid Donald Trump had ACTUALLY predicted 9-freaking-11.
Meanwhile, the President sided with a foreign government that coordinated the murder of a Washington Post reporter named Jamal Khashoggi. The same government, it bears mentioning, that spawned 15 of the 19 hijackers who carried out the September 11 attacks.
So, to recap: no, Donald Trump didn’t predict the 9/11 attacks. The guy is WAY too stupid to do that. He’s just an insecure dick.