Trump’s 5 Assaults on Democracy As Explained By Hillary Clinton

Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons
Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

Like a geriatric who has just upgraded from DSL, Hillary Clinton has returned from the wilderness to inform the voting public on all the facts she’s learned from the World Wide Web in the last few days. In an essay for The Atlantic sporting the subtle title, “American Democracy Is in Crisis,” the former Democratic candidate for President took it upon herself to point out that Donald Trump isn’t the best news for American Democracy.

I know. Shocking.

The whole situation is like when Hannibal Lecter helped Clarice Starling in Silence of the Lambs. Clinton’s inherent guilt makes her uniquely suited to pinpoint the crimes committed by others.


Once she assured readers that it was okay for we dim, little folk to lose track of Trump’s various misdeeds, the Hill-icane spoke to us in calming, parental tones, confirming that she was here to break things down into bite-sized nuggets our peasant brains could digest.

As she explained in the article:

“Trump and his cronies do so many despicable things that it can be hard to keep track. I think that may be the point—to confound us, so it’s harder to keep our eye on the ball. The ball, of course, is protecting American democracy. As citizens, that’s our most important charge. And right now, our democracy is in crisis.”

To prove her point, Clinton pointed to 5 truths that highlighted her point.

Donald Trump Thinks He’s Above the Law

First on Hillary Clinton’s list was Donald Trump’s assault on the law. Specifically, the President’s penchant for tweeting stuff like this:

It doesn’t take a super-genius to figure out that the head orangutan in charge believes himself to be above the law. Heck, one of the most likely reasons Trump still supports Brett Kavanaugh in spite of three allegations against the judge is Kavanaugh’s stated belief that the President should be exempt from criminal prosecution.

Russia is Helping Him Undercut Election Legitimacy

Hey, did you know Russia influenced the 2016 presidential election? What, you say you were aware?! Then it probably won’t come as a surprise to you that the US government has indicted 12 Russians for their part in meddling.


In what becomes a lengthy missive, Clinton only spends one paragraph on her second point. She spends just four words talking about Russia before talking about the GOP’s support for voter identification and their penchant for gerrymandering. That last one IS a big problem, but let’s not move past this point too quickly.

Yes, Russia meddled, and that is unforgivable. But let’s not forget that their meddling uncovered a DNC plot to undermine Bernie Sanders’ momentum in favor of supporting Hillary Clinton. If that’s not undermining American democracy, what is?

Donald Trump Has a Problem With Facts That Make Him Look Like a Dick

Hey, did you know Donald Trump was a big, fat, stupid liar? Of course, you did. He’s the Grand Imperial Poobah of Fibbers. That said, the collection of stats collected by The Washington Post is awe-inspiring. According to Clinton:

“Earlier this month, Trump made 125 false or misleading statements in 120 minutes, according to The Washington Post—a personal record for him (at least since becoming president). To date, according to the paper’s fact-checkers, Trump has made 5,000 false or misleading claims while in office and recently has averaged 32 a day.”

Donald Trump is the Usain Bolt of Bullshit Artists. But we knew that already. Trump loves to call negative stories about his work complete lies perpetuated by an evil liberal conspiracy. He’s even blamed Google for being biased against him:

All The Corruption

In spite of his campaign promises to rid Washington of its pervasive corruption — and, no, there will be no “swamp” joke — the Donald’s administration has been critiqued as one of the most corrupt since Warren G. Harding (Google “Teapot Dome”).

Count ‘em: two felony convictions for Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen, a guilty plea for perjury for Michael Flynn, and an admission that key members of his campaign met with Russian officials to get some dirt on Hillary Clinton. That’s a whole lot of corruption on record, folks.


Again, though, average Americans can likely list any two of the examples I’ve listed (and probably a few I omitted) without even glancing at their iPhone.

He’s Divisive

Clinton found the time to invoke Abraham Lincoln while condemning Trump’s mud-slinging MO, critiquing the president for all his divisive language. Once more, though, is it news to anyone that Trump’s means of victory is to divide and conquer? Is it a revelation that the American political landscape is extremely divided?

If that’s true, then you missed this Financial Times article calling America’s political landscape “tribalism,” this NPR thing about how America is at its most partisan in decades, and this piece from Vox lamenting the rise of negative partisanship.


That allegation is also a little soft coming from a woman who, one week later, went on the Late Show and essentially called the GOP a bunch of sissies for not standing up to Trump. Or maybe I’m wrong and shaming your opponent into cooperation really IS the best way to cross philosophical divides and effect lasting change.

We Don’t Need Hill-Dog to Help With This

If you got to this point in the article and thought, “This is all stuff we already know,” then congratulations, you’re an American who has remained semi-conscious for the last two years. All of this information is stuff that the media has been covering EXTENSIVELY since Trump took office. This little note is so far after the fact that it’s not only useless, it might actually hurt the Democrats in the upcoming election. In May, The Atlantic — yeah, the same outlet that printed Clinton’s essay — published an article in which they proclaimed that Clinton’s high profile actually hurt the Democrats’ efforts:

“Yes, what happened to Clinton was awful. She did not merely lose the presidency, she lost it to an opponent singularly unqualified to hold the office … But whatever the root causes, the result is what it is: She lost. And while her frustration, disappointment, and rage make perfect sense, Clinton needs to give the public kvetching and finger-pointing a rest—if not for the sake of her or her party, then for the nation as a whole.”

When Barack Obama shows up to promote Democratic candidates, he gets the same rap, that his presence will help galvanize the Republicans against the Democratic Party. The difference between Hillary and Barack is this: Obama’s messages unify Democrats as much (or more) than it hurts them, while Clinton remains a divisive figure, even among her own party.

Her continued publicity campaign isn’t adding anything new to the argument, it’s just serving to remind people of the worst parts of the Democratic Party.

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