Undeniable Proof that Brett Kavanaugh Is the Savior the US Deserves


Brett Kavanaugh, Office of U.S. Senator David Perdue/Wikimedia Commons
Brett Kavanaugh, Office of U.S. Senator David Perdue/Wikimedia Commons

It hasn’t been an easy road for our venerable leader. Ever since taking office, Donald Trump has been forced to endure the worst criticisms heaped upon a political leader in the history of politics. Amid the Russia witch hunt, outright lies from adult film stars, and a bunch of so-called world leaders who insist on talking back when the Trumpinator tells them to do something, it’s impressive that Fearless Leader has been able to do anything at all.

In spite of all that turmoil (which is in no way the fault of the president), Trump’s term in office hasn’t been all bad. For example, the sitting president is in a position to determine the Supreme Court’s governing philosophy — and therefore the judicial direction of the United States — for the next several decades. You might be thinking, “That bloated dill hole just stumbled ass-backward into that job,” but you’d be wrong. The real answer is Divine Providence. Trump was put here by Jesus to ensure that SCOTUS could continue kicking the world’s ass, democracy-style.

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That bold truth may be painful for liberal atheists to accept, but God’s finger on our nation is never more evident than when staring into the slack-jawed, hair-sprayed expression of Brett Kavanaugh. He’s a man of such conviction that there is almost no identifiable spark of life behind his glazed-over eyes.

I mean, look at that focus:

The man is a true American hero, the one America has brought upon itself.

Kavanaugh Is an ‘Originalist’

Brett Kavanaugh is what’s known as an “originalist,” a sect of legal philosophers who believe in interpreting the Constitution, “in a strict, textual interpretation of the constitution.” In other words, Kavanaugh colors his legal thinking with the belief that Thomas Jefferson and his white, people-owning homies had the exact right idea of how to form a nation based on the principles of freedom and equality.

And, okay, some legal “experts” have attacked originalist thinking by saying that the Constitution doesn’t take have language to address some bogus issues like contraceptives, climate change, and equal rights. Then there’s also the two cents added from some no-name libtard called George Washington, who said:

“The basis of our political systems is the right of the people to make and to alter their constitutions of government … If in the opinion of the people the distribution or modification of the constitutional powers be in any particular wrong, let it be corrected by an amendment.”

In a world threatened by a socialist blue wave, it’s utterly dangerous (and a little bit nauseating) to think that the Constitution should change to reflect the shifting values of the citizens of United States. In this time of flux, we need a bulwark against change to think backward and preserve our (white, male) way of life.

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He Knows How to Treat a Lady

Even as some empty-headed, extensively published professor of statistics attempts to bring down the nomination with her fabrications, Kavanaugh can fall back on his longstanding devotion to women.

Let’s look at one case, in particular, an October 2017 case in which the DC Circuit Court (on which Kavanaugh sat) decided in favor of an undocumented 17-year-old’s request for an abortion. In his dissent on the case, Kavanaugh lamented what he called, “a new right for unlawful immigrant minors in U.S. Government detention to obtain immediate abortion on demand.”

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How can you believe that some unfounded allegations from forty years could stand up to a man who’s proven that he is committed to making the right decisions for women? And, of course, that “right decision” means keeping some illegal from making her own choices until she can be funneled into a system that will peer pressure her into bringing a child she can’t afford into what amounts to a pretty grim situation.

And, Hey, Before You Start Openly Sobbing …

Let’s talk about those allegations. Days after Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination to the bench, statistics professor Christine Blasey Ford came forward to proclaim that Kavanaugh assaulted her at a party in the early ‘80s. Ford claims that Kavanaugh forced her into a room, pinned her face-down on a bed and groped her (all while a buddy cheered him on). Ford claims that Kavanaugh and his bro were both shlammered when all this went down.

Fortunately, Donald Trump took to Twitter to defend his bud with some air-tight logic.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1043126336473055235

After all, we all remember how super easy it was in the 1980s for a young woman to come out and point the finger at privileged, little douchebags who step over the line. And let’s just forget the fact that Ford and Kavanaugh lived in a community that supported toxic behavior. While we’re there, let’s also ignore the documented precedent for Kavanaugh to be a bit of a drunk, and that Kavanaugh himself once joked in a speech that it was a good thing that, “What happens at Georgetown Prep stays at Georgetown Prep.”

No, forget that meaningless nothing and focus on the fact that Ford can’t remember the exact date and time of one of the most traumatic moments of her life. Nice.

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He Thinks Presidents Are Above the Law

For some reason, a lot of people in the left-wing media keep pointing to a 2009 article in which Brett Kavanaugh suggested that the President of the United States should be offered a “deferral” from civil and criminal charges. In Kavanaugh’s view, such trivial matters as being held accountable for violating the laws of the United States would distract a President from adequately protecting the laws of the United States. That just logical.

Now, why that particular mindset may be relevant over the next several months escapes me, but the liberals are trying to make some tenuous connection to Donald Trump … weird, right?

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Hey, how ‘bout that economy, huh?

Urge Your Local Politician to See Some Sense

In the case of Brett Kavanaugh, voters seem to be adding 2 and 2 to get 5. Some Californian decides to come forward with a dark, decades-long secret and all of a sudden only 40 percent of voters support Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination to the Supreme Court. It’s like they’ve completely forgotten that Kavanaugh has SO MUCH going for him.

He’s an unimaginative interpreter of centuries-old law right up until the moment it comes time for him to impose his beliefs on someone else.

It’s cool, though. She was undocumented.

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