Man Accused of Rubbing Produce On His Butt Cheeks In Grocery Store


A man was arrested at a grocery store in Northern Virginia after he was viewed pulling down his pants and rubbing produce items on his hindquarters, police say.

The produce-butt rubber is facing charges of destruction of property and indecent exposure; Photo: Pinsdaddy

The suspect then placed the items back on the shelves, a loss prevention employee at the market briefed authorities, according to Manassas City Police.

Police responded to the Giant grocery store in Manassas at 10100 Dumfries Road shortly after 4:30 p.m. Saturday. Officers detained 27-year-old Manassas resident Michael Dwayne Johnson at the store.

Johnson is facing charges of destruction of property and indecent exposure.

Eating produce that was rubbed on a butt can cause upset stomach, vomiting and defecating; Photo: Tenor

A police spokesperson did not have info on what kind of produce Johnson purportedly defiled, although she stated a police report alluded it was fruit.

A manager from the Giant store said he was incapable of speaking about the incident.

When produce attacks; Photo: 4Gifs

In nearly every case of intentional food contamination, accounting for around 95% of the people, the objects utilized to defile meals were either human spit or male genitals, says one survey.

Mixing a salad with your testicles, for example, requires a level of flexibility and balance that hardly seems worth it — though, not to some restaurant workers. Hamburger patties, pork chops, french fries, bruschetta, mashed potatoes … they’ve all been desecrated by a sea of scrotums.

One Orlando Magic player, who evidently called for too many substitutions, desired a chicken quesadilla with his sandwich instead of the fries offered on the menu. The b-ball player had a reputation for being rude and demanding to the staff, and a lousy tipper. His waitress witnessed the chef prep the quesadilla “and then stick it in his pants and rub it on his sweaty cook crotch before plating it.”

In summary: Don’t piss off people that handle or serve your food, and thoroughly wash off your produce before consuming.


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Aaron Granger


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