Nobody and I mean nobody has more respect for women that Donald Trump. We all know that … is the line we’re supposed to dish out whenever some uppity lady starts yammering on about Trump disliking broads. Yet, a growing number of these floozies refuse to sit there and pleasantly swallow that line like that one rotating blonde lady on Fox and Friends.
FOX and Friends First Co-Hosts ~ It's official!!! pic.twitter.com/y64v1pU6
— Ainsley Earhardt (@ainsleyearhardt) October 25, 2012
Whats-her-face is a role model to all women, and yet in 2018, a record number of female political candidates have filed for a campaign run in both the House and Senate. It’s a mockery. It’s also trouble for Trumpians.
Even though Trump totally respects women more than any sentient being since God kickstarted the big machine, having a ton more women working on Capitol Hill is extremely terrifying for the Big Orange as well as we bros who’ve been working to game the system for the last few centuries. Imagine living in a world where you can’t — and this is just an example — imply that it’s only normal for men to get all rape-y just because they’re literally standing next to a woman.
Can you imagine what would happen if men were made accountable for their baser instincts? Taught to act like civilized human beings? It would be such a bummer. And that’s just one of the apocalyptic scenarios that might arise should these upstart women get elected into office.
If you haven’t been paying attention, there’s a crisis brewing. But we can persevere, my brothers. Read on.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortex, the G-D Socialist
On Tuesday, June 26, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez ousted establishment Democrat Joe Crowley in the Queens primary race. Even though the deeply embedded Crowley out-raised Ocasio-Cortez by a ten-to-one margin, the 28-year-old newcomer drew the people to her side by listening to them and then representing their needs.
If you need to take a moment to wipe away the ice-cold fear sweat pouring down your forehead, I totally understand. A politician who considers herself a servant is trouble. Even more discomfiting, the only thing we can fire back with are bullshit stories about alleged cattiness and pretending that her parents moving their children to a safer neighborhood with better schools is somehow a betrayal.
1. I didn’t go to Brown or the Ivy League. I went to BU. Try Google.
2. It is nice. Growing up, it was a good town for working people. My mom scrubbed toilets so I could live here & I grew up seeing how the zip code one is born in determines much of their opportunity.
— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) July 1, 2018
This is a woman who is young, intelligent, and unapologetic about her passion and ferocity. Sure, she grew up in Westchester but considering she’s been physically living in New York for the last several years, it’s doubtful that the people behind her will give much shit about her childhood. Not when certain Tea Party traitors are all, “Maybe we should win by combatting her ideas, not her upbringing.”
I'm a tea party guy, but I applaud @Ocasio2018. She beat an arrogant career politician. She ran with energy & ideas.
She & I probably disagree on every single policy issue. But I respect the hell out of her. Those attacking her personally are making a mistake. Debate her ideas.
— Joe Walsh (@WalshFreedom) July 2, 2018
What a nerd.
Dudes (and indoctrinated dudettes), we’re going to have to up our game if we want to ensure female political candidates like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are put down quickly. Just imagine a place where the President couldn’t degrade women based solely on their physical appearance.
Who wants to live in that country?
The Growing Problem Among Domestics
Okay, guys, we’re already ahead of the game, Donald Trump is cementing his stranglehold on the Republican party, like some kickass GOP Voldemort (because he must be using black magic). In the last two years, we’ve seen a fundamental shift in the party that ensures anyone who disagrees with the president will get immediately shushed and then cast out. As a result, at this point around 90 percent of Republicans are Trump fans whether they fundamentally disagree with Trump and are too unnerved to say something or they’re happily drinking the Kool-Aid.
The the other ten percent are about to find themselves out of a job or without a party.
That’s the good news. The bad news is that for some mysterious reason a whole buttload of people out there on both sides of the aisle have become disillusioned with the way things are being done at the top and rather than just ignore things, they’re getting pissed off, and they’re mobilizing.
Even worse, rather than buying into a new line of malarky from the same old politicians, voters have begun looking for new people to help solve their problems. Like Stephanie Strike, head of Democratic fundraiser Emily’s List, explained, “When you have a Congress with a lot of men, fresh faces are women in a lot of cases. No one is getting a vote because she’s a woman, she’s getting a vote because she is working really, really hard to convince people.”
Guys, we can’t compete with that. If people don’t agree with us, we’re just trained to call them stupid and then punch them until they either agree or shut up. How can we beat these obvious threats to public normalcy? Fortunately, we already have a game plan. If we’re going to make America Reagan again, we need to stick to what we know.
The Plan of Action
When it comes right down to it, Donald Trump’s power base is geared toward two primary demographics: white guys, and people who really love white guys. His superpowers only work in that environment. After all, he doesn’t often have success working with women when they find out that he once told a reporter that wives who work are a “very dangerous thing.”
If the United States government is overrun with all these dangerous people, Trump could find himself short on legislative allies, rapidly losing his ability to get anything done. America, in turn, could be looking at a political body that more accurately represents the dynamic scope of American diversity.
If you want to help undo that impending travesty, it’s time to start pounding the pavement. Well, pounding the fake keys on your iPhone. I’d never ask a fellow man to actually get off his ass and work up a sweat.
Take to Twitter and Facebook and kickstart the war against your local female political candidate, whoever she might be. It’s up to us, fellas, to do to these women what we did to Elizabeth Warren and so many like her. We have to undermine, dismiss, and condescend. We have to program society to hate whatever they’re going to say before any female political candidates even open their mouth. Because they’re different. Because they have ideas. Because they don’t smile when telling us how to fix the country.
Remember, fellas. When you feel like quitting and letting these feministas claims what is ours, just remember how important it is to keep ladies from grabbing too much power. After all, there are way more of them than there are of us.