Democrats Picking Out Curtain For New Congress, Setting Impeachment Date

Democrats, tap your fingers on your chin and chuckle in glee! The wholly-owned Republican government is collapsing under its own weight, and it’s happening just ahead of the midterms. The calender could hardly be more on your side. All you need to do is stand back, fling your arms wide, and say “Are you happy with this, then?” at each one of your speeches. Just think of all the things you’d need to be okay with to say the present government is acceptable. Unless you a dyed-in-the-wool Trump fanatic, there’s no way you can say the way the country is being run is okay. At least, if you’re working with fair information.

Thanks to the state of the country, Democrats will assuredly wander smack dab into a congressional victory, regardless of what they do. As long as they don’t punch pregnant women as a political policy, their candidates will waltz to easy victory in the midterm elections. And provided they don’t completely cock it up in the two years between 2018 and 2020, they will likely fall in to winning the presidential election with similarly little effort. If they can find a candidate younger than 80 years old, anyway. And no, Joe Biden is not “young at heart” and he should definitely not run for President.

It’s a hard knock life for Republicans

democrats congress victory

To be fair, Republicans have suffered a pretty bad run of things recently. There’s been some truly terrible circumstances surrounding their governance. Sadly for them, it’s also just about completely their fault. The party has been lurching from self-manufactured crisis to Trump-made disaster, trying to accomplish anything while their base applauds even the tepid flopping of their barely functional governance. Flapping around like a beached trout, the Republican party has made little progress in the way of advancing their philosophy of government in actual laws and rules. Instead, they’ve held a lot of press conferences, replied to a bunch of tweets, and generally looked like an incompetent sack of idiots, the proverbial dogs that finally caught a passing car and have no clue what to do with it. I won’t say they never expected to win control over the United States, but it was something of a giant surprise when Trump won the presidency.

But now, things are looking up for the once-trounced Democratic party. They’ve been more than willing to sit back and watch the Republican party ruin their own birthday party, gleefully rubbing their palms as they await a vindicating election day. Nancy Pelosi is doubtlessly traipsing up and down the halls of the Capitol with a tailor’s tape over her neck, cheerfully measuring windows for curtains and humming “God Bless America” to herself. And Steny Hoyer surely waits close behind, dutifully carrying a silver tray with a pitcher of iced tea, ready to wet the soon-to-be-majority-leader’s lips should she find herself slightly dry. He’s such a good minority whip like that, always willing to go to bat for Pelosi, who has finally realized that she will never have any fans. Even Democrats find her shrill and irritating, so she’s got no hope with Republicans! She indeed seems to have finally settled into her role as dowager villain to the Republican party, willing to cackle over a flaming cauldron for opposition photo ops.

Will a Democrat victory really be that easy?

democrats congress victory

There is one bit of trouble on the horizon for the Democratic party. It seems like they, too, aren’t sure what to do. The world of modern politics is so deranged and so bizarre and the Democrats don’t know how to proceed. They also want to appear to be the party of “being an adult” and “acting mature,” which dissuades wading into the fray of modern political discourse or really driving home their advantage by emphasizing how incredibly badly things are going for the White House. But could that, eventually, lead to the Democrats losing the election? If they appear to only be observers to the shit-show of Trump tweet storms, will they be at all appealing to voters later this year? It’s likely that they’ll get plenty of default votes from citizens registering their disgust and disappointment with Trump, but the Democratic party itself has not be offering much in the way of a coherent opposition or an alternate blueprint for running the country. Apart from “stop Republicans from ruining everything,” the putative opposition party hasn’t provided a clear script for their better version of United States democracy.

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Alex Fox


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