Netflix, Amazon, and 9 Other Companies That Are Too Liberal and Must Be Crushed

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Seas of ink have been spilled recording the passionate love affair between Republicans and big businesses. Like Democrats fawning over government oversight, so too does the GOP get very gushy when it comes to the topic of buoying corporations. Republicans love businesses so much that they fully supported a legal battle to ensure that companies could be considered people.

In 2011, Republican candidate for president Mitt Romney explained that he couldn’t support higher taxes for companies, because, “corporations are people, too.”

Immigrants may not be people in the eyes of some GOP members, but companies are people across the board. That is, until a certain loudmouth New Yorker with tiny, tiny hands took the Oval Office and declared that some companies should just go ahead and die.

Especially the ones who pick on him.

In his eighteen months in office, Donald Trump has publicly attacked upward of sixty companies over everything from their business practices to their in-store products. The Donald isn’t afraid to buck Republican tradition and assault a big business if he thinks it will win him the favor of the public, and the Republican Party is following suit by declaring that not all companies are worthy of GOP praise.

They can’t all be Chick-fil-A, I suppose.

Amazon Is Ruining the Post Office

The company most commonly in Trump’s crosshairs is Amazon. He’s accused the company of everything from tax evasion to swindling the post office out of millions of dollars.

Sure, the “facts” may say that Amazon does pay taxes in every state where it operates (whether it has a physical presence or not) and that it covers the USPS’s cost to carry those packages, probably ensuring the employment of several government employees thanks to the extra business.

None of that matters, however, when you can seem like a champion of the people without risking any campaign contributions. Also, I’m sure that Amazon founder Jeff Bezo’s ownership of The Washington Post has nothing to do with Trump’s ire.

Netflix Is Way Too Liberal

You might find Netflix’s brand of entertainment indispensable in your daily life, but a growing number of Republicans don’t appreciate the fact that the streaming giant is hiring outspoken Dems like Michelle Wolf, securing production deals with the Obamas, and greenlighting LGBT cartoons.

Yeah, a niche Republican boycott is totally going to derail the biggest streaming service in the world. Good luck, fellas, and enjoy all those commercials on basic cable.

Apple Keeps Secrets, and That’s Not Nice

In 2014, Donald Trump publicly proclaimed that he was dumping his Apple stock because they didn’t offer a larger screen.

Selling that stock (the price of which has doubled, by the way) didn’t convince Trump to stop using his Apple iPhone. At least not until 2016.

In the wake of the San Bernardino shooting, Trump called for a boycott on Apple when the tech giant refused to give the federal government the secret to cracking an iPhone.

His call for a boycott was so effective that Apple stock continues to plunge into the basement to this day. How’s that? You say it’s one of the most profitable stocks in history? That’s got to be wrong because Trump called for a boycott.

CNN Is Worse Than the Failing New York Times

Anyone who knows the definition of “Fake News” understands why the President wast — er, dedicates so much time to exposing their corruption as a tool of Crooked Hillary.

CNN must be a tool of Hillary Clinton. That’s why the network basically stopped mentioning her once she left the campaign trail. Fox News covers Hillary, not CNN. CNN is too busy trying to scare the shit out of people with their coverage of natural disasters.

You know what, while we’re there …

Any News Organization That Dares Criticize the Republican Party

… just to get this out of the way, Trump and his homies are quick to admonish any news outlet that publishes any information that reflects negatively on the party. And considering that there are literal piles of incriminating information out there, Trump has basically just blanket-disowned every major news outlet.

It’s easier to go ahead and attack their credibility than defend against their accusations.

‘Roseanne’ Was Cancelled Because of ABC’s Liberal Bias

When every Republican’s favorite TV star, Roseanne Barr, compared former White House aide Valerie Jarrett to a cast member of Planet of the Apes, ABC canceled her show and fired the actor. Then, ABC CEO Bob Iger personally called Jarrett to express his sincere apology. That touch of human decency didn’t sit well with Donald Trump who called out the corporation’s hypocrisy.

Clearly, for Donald Trump, speaking out against racism is the same thing as apologizing for publishing the truth. Yeah, actually that jives with what we know of the president’s character.

At least Ambien producer Sanofi was willing to toss some shade at Roseanne after the actor tried to excuse her behavior by blaming it on Ambien.

Facebook Was Working for Hillary

Election spending has gone haywire, of that there is no doubt. In the 2016 presidential election, Republicans and Democrats spent around $2.5 billion fighting one another. When number nerds tallied the totals, the Democrats outspent the GOP by half a billion dollars.

When the news broke that Russian operatives may have used Facebook to buoy support for Trump and undercut support for Hillary, the Donald chose to focus on the positive.

It just goes to show you that when Russian spies are working on your behalf pro bono, it helps keep election costs down.

Fox News Is Just a Pack of Trump Haters

As long as Steve Doocy is delivering the news with a wink, a smile, and an interchangeable blonde person, Donald Trump loves himself some Fox News. Back when the “news” network employed an uppity blonde named Megyn Kelly, he was less than smitten with his cable benefactor (and sixth man of the Trump administration).

Acting as presidential debate moderator, Megyn Kelly, asked Trump about the reports of his referring to women he didn’t like as “fat pigs” and “dogs.” Trump responded by taking to Twitter.

After all, Trump doesn’t need Fox News and Megyn Kelly to make him look like a buffoon. He can do that all by himself.

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Author: Justin Andress


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