Trump Hires Team Of Writers To Change National Anthem So It’s Easier To Remember

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In a pathetic attempt to cover up the embarrassment of the fact that most of the Philadelphia Eagles players were opting out of the White House ceremony in their honor, President Trump decided to host a different event where he ended up embarrassing himself even more. This year’s Super Bowl champions have been far from quiet about their feelings towards the president, so to save face, Trump canceled it altogether. Instead, he threw some kind of Celebration of America event for Eagles fans where he decided it would be a good idea to sing along with the U.S. Amry Chorus. Unfortunately, just a few lines in, Trump realized that he didn’t actually know the words to the National Anthem and was caught on camera looking like a fool. Instead of owning up to his slip up, our president did what he does best. He made excuses. Apparently, Trump has hired a team of writers in order to change the words to “God Bless America.” Here’s why:

The Words Are Too Hard

Trump Change National Anthem

While most of us probably don’t know all of the words to “God Bless America,” we’re smart enough to at least study up on them before we hop on stage to sing along with the Army Chorus for a publicized event. Trump, however, is a different breed. To cover up some of his embarrassment, he has decided to go on and on about how the words are just too hard and that our country’s national anthem should be easy to memorize. In Trump’s world, this means fewer words, which he has hired an entire team of writers to work on.

It Was An Inside Joke

Trump Change National Anthem

Since Trump’s Celebration of America event was a last minute decision, it didn’t exactly attract a huge crowd. Even the media made note that most of the attendees looked like Republican staffers, who were hopefully getting paid overtime for showing up, rather than the Eagles fans it was intended for. Trump decided to use this awkward moment to his advantage, claiming his blunder up on stage was an inside joke with some of the White House staff in the audience. Apparently, it was a nod to a conversation they had regarding the words of “God Bless America” not properly depicting our country today. Which brings us to his next excuse.

It Doesn’t Properly Depict America Today

Trump Change National Anthem

Trump feels that the words to our National Anthem simply don’t fit with today’s America. After a quick review of the lyrics, he decided that no one cares about the mountains and the prairies anymore. Instead of those things being included in the “home sweet home” discussed in the song, Trump would like it to reflect a life he’s more familiar with giving examples such as the 18k gold toilet, Trump Towers, and the Playboy Mansion.

It’s All The Philadelphia Eagles’ Fault

Trump Change National Anthem

If only the Eagles had shown up to the original event at the White House, then Trump wouldn’t have had to throw this last minute thing together where he wasn’t given ample time to study the words to our National Anthem. Then he wouldn’t have been caught on video screwing up the song, once again embarrassing himself as president of the United States. All because those damn NFL players started kneeling.

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Author: Rose Burke

Freelance writer and art enthusiast, Rose Burke, often writes humorous essays inspired by awkward dating experiences and life’s cruel sense of humor. When she’s not doing that, she’s typically writing entertainment articles on women’s issues, politics, feminism, and other trending topics her readers love.

Her work has been published in The Southampton Review, The Conium Review, The Richest, The Independent, CINEMABLEND, and more. Author of the popular feminist blog series “Writings of the Satirical Feminista”, Rose is currently focusing on a collection of humorous personal essays while she travels the world.


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