China Reacts To New Tariffs By “Running Out” Of Knockoff MK Bags And Nike Sneakers

China tariffs

Trump’s new tariff laws may sound like a good business move at first glance, but it’s going to lead to a shortage of some of our favorite products made overseas. China is already striking back with their own added duties on some of the United State’s biggest exports. Apparently, our country makes billions selling soybeans to China. Who knew? China’s tariff retaliation doesn’t stop there though. You can say goodbye to some of your favorite knockoffs because even though that guy selling them on the street made it seem like your new Michael Koors purse may have fallen off the back of a truck, we all know that underneath all that fake leather you’ll eventually find the words “Made in China” etched into its surface. It doesn’t stop there though. For all the guys who buy their Nike sneakers on eBay for half the price they are in the store, you can forget about doing that anymore. China is claiming they’re “running out” of our favorite knockoffs and now we might actually have to spend more money to get the real thing. Here are some other ways China might try to retaliate during this trade war.

Prices Will Go Up

China tariffs

That’s right, don’t expect to be able to go to the store and get your favorite imports for a reasonable price anymore. The random kitchen items, jewelry, and other knickknacks you frequently pick up at the dollar store will require you to dig a bit deeper into your change purse. In fact, dollar stores just might have to become two-dollar stores if the trade war goes on long enough. Better stock up of your paper plates and gift bags because it might take a few years before things are settled!

Sharing Anime Will Be Banned

China tariffs

Anime certainly has a cult following in the U.S., and it would be a shame if we lost access to it. Since a lot of anime is dubbed by fans and burned to what is essentially bootleg disks before being sold in America, it would be quite effortless for China to ban them from being sent here. If they managed to get Japan in on it as well, we could essentially say goodbye to anime as a whole. Fans of anime would be forced to illegally download them on the internet, much like we do with pretty much any show or movie these days. They’d then have to rely on Chinese-Americans dubbing the content or use subtitles. Then before you know it, anime becomes a major underground industry in the United States where Chinese-Americans or anyone who knows Mandarin have complete monopoly over selling anime movies and series collections and end up making bank just by dubbing the films. Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad.

China Will Help Russia Fix Next Election

China tariffs

We already saw what happened when Russia got involved in our last presidential election, and China could easily do the same thing. The only question would be what they would do. They could get their retaliation on Trump (and us) by forcing him to be president for another four years, or they could do the opposite and point the election in a direction that would have an outcome more favorable to them. For instance, someone who would drop these tariffs and save them billions. Probably some other reality star with zero political experience and a strong desire to drive the country into the ground.

They’ll Stop Sharing Beauty Secrets

China tariffs

Asians have a way of pausing the aging process for like forty years. One day they’re thirty-two and the next they’re eighty-nine. Deep down we all know it’s genetic, but that doesn’t stop us from spending hundreds of dollars on some of their best beauty products. A lot of them really work, and it would certainly be a shame if they no longer allowed these products to be shipped to the United States. Instead of spending hundreds of dollars, we’d have to spend thousands on American products that don’t work as well.

Say Goodbye To Luxury Perfume Replicas

China tariffs

China puts out the BEST perfume replicas. They might not last as long, but they’re like $5, so it’s totally worth it to buy your favorite scents just to have a spare bottle at work or in your car. Even better, they give them the most absurd names that make you wonder if they’re really bad at translating things into English or if they just enjoy finding ways to troll us. Either way, these perfume knockoffs would be just another thing we might have to say goodbye to if Trump doesn’t settle this trade war sooner rather than later. We might actually have to start shopping at Victoria’s Secret again for body sprays, ugh.

Manufacturing Fees Will Go Up

China tariffs

Small businesses have most, if not all, of their products manufactured in China. It’s the American way, as the fees for having things produced in the states leaves little room for profit. Obviously one of Trump’s goals is to force businesses to manufacture their products here in America and keep their money in our country, but small businesses just can’t afford that. But if China decides to make up the money they’ll be losing on tariffs by raising their manufacturing fees, then we’ll likely see a bunch of small businesses fold anyway. Bigger companies will just charge more for their products, and well, those who enjoy shopping will expect a larger credit card bill each month.

A Travel Ban

China tariffs

Eventually, if things can’t be settled between China and Trump, then we’ll likely experience a travel ban. Since this won’t happen until most businesses lose their manufacturing contracts abroad anyway, it would have little effect on businesses, but still, it’s nice to know that we can travel to China if we want to. Then, since Trump is a child, he’ll definitely enforce a travel ban for them as well, seriously pissing off Chinese-Americans and perhaps inspiring them to leave our country. While that might make Trump and all of his racist supporters happy, those of us who enjoy Chinese food, dry cleaning, and pedicures are going to be furious. More career options for the white people claiming immigrants are stealing our jobs though!


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Rose Burke

Freelance writer and art enthusiast, Rose Burke, often writes humorous essays inspired by awkward dating experiences and life’s cruel sense of humor. When she's not doing that, she's typically writing entertainment articles on women's issues, politics, feminism, and other trending topics her readers love. Her work has been published in The Southampton Review, The Conium Review, The Richest, The Independent, CINEMABLEND, and more. Author of the popular feminist blog series "Writings of the Satirical Feminista," Rose is currently focusing on a collection of humorous personal essays while she travels the world.


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