Board up the windows and sharpen your toothbrushes into shivs, everyone, because the Obama-Clinton deep state is out to obliterate democracy and free speech as we know them. Indeed, ‘Murica is on the verge of falling off a cliff, save for the efforts of one stalwart tangerine, the President of the United States of America. We all know how in the space of mere months, Donald Trump transformed our nation into an oil-pumping, racism-condoning Shangri la where everyone gets a gun.
In spite of those idyllic circumstances — it’s like living in Camelot if Camelot was built for the cast of Jersey Shore — there are still evildoers lurking on the fringes, working to destabilize the Trump revolution: the Clinton-Obama deep state. The liberal intellectual Muslim sympathizers (so, again, evil) have long waged a campaign against Donald Trump, the most successful real estate mogul in history and four-time Handsome Billionaire Award winner. Trump’s high school also voted him Most Likely to Be Batman.
These scheming Others did not count on Trump having a Twitter account, though! From this platform, the President can inform the world of the truth about this diabolical crusade to undermine his long-term plan to … I don’t know, bring segregation back? Whatever it is the Prez has up his sleeve, the Clinton-Obama deep state was out to stop it in its tracks with a full-on assault. You’ve heard the nonsense about supposed Russian collusion, and the silliness about Trump’s porn star ex-girlfriend, but, hands down, the sneakiest thing Democrats did was to embed a mole within the ranks of the Trump campaign.
Welcome to Spygate, the bigly-est scandal in the history of American politics.
The Deep State Would Have Gotten Away With It, Too, If Not for Trump’s Meddling Tweets
In the middle of May, rumors began circulating the FBI had used a confidential source to learn information about the Trump campaign while the election was ongoing. The New York Times explained that FBI agents sent an informant to question two high-level Trump aides, George Papadopoulos and Carter Page, about their ties to Russia. At no point was anyone “embedded” in Trump’s campaign. It was a handful of interviews.
But what the Hell does that hippy rag know about anything? On May 28, Trump was there to fuel the fires of paranoi — er, civic consciousness.
And we were off and running.
Politely Asking the DOJ to Do Something Worthwhile (for Once)
Two days later, the President couldn’t take any more waiting. He took to Twitter once more to insist that the Department of Justice earn its collective paycheck for once.
This is Trump at his best, using social media to issue official decrees. It was time for the Department of Justice to drop any other high profile investigations … whatever they might be. Quit investigating some unfounded liberal conspiracies and get to work investigating the very real spy that was embedded in the Trump campaign by the FBI on behalf of the Obama administration. I mean, how are these guys even filling their time if they’re not knee-deep in deep state statements?
Fortunately, the President was there with his characteristic tact to rule the country in 280 characters or less.
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the DOJ Meeting
That was Sunday; the next day, the DOJ issued a statement proclaiming that it would not only expand its investigation to include any potential FBI involvement, but they would hold a meeting immediately to read the Republicans into their findings. You know, precisely the strategy that a government agency would employ if they were hoping to instigate a deep state cover-up.
For some reason, the Democrats got twisted out of joint about the meeting, arguing something about having an equal right to information that could threaten the fabric of American democracy … or some such mumbo-jumbo. Fortunately, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was there to express mild surprise and wonder why the Democrats would possibly want access to information they had not requested.
And that they probably planted in the first place.
Uh Oh, People, We’re Officially Talking About a ‘Gate … A ‘GATE!
On May 23, Trump let fly with the real truth. The facts were out … or at least they were going to come out. So, he issued this blisteringly truthful statement during his routine morning poop and Tweet:
Sure, Politifact judged that sentiment to be completely false, but they’re owned by an oil sheik who’s out to corrupt the American oil and gas industry. That’s true. Don’t look that up, though. It’s, uh, it’s another truth covered up by the Clinton-Obama deep state.
Trump followed up on his Clapper tweet by finally putting a name on the pervasive attempt to spy on him.
There it is, folks. Undeniable black-and-white proof that the Obama-Clinton deep state organized an FBI spy to infiltrate the Trump campaign early in the proceedings. In just five days — from Saturday to Wednesday morning — Trump went from passively suggesting a problem to shouting out “Spygate” from the mountaintops.
Don’t Count Out the Deep State
In spite of all Trump’s irrefutable proof … or was it the proof the DOJ uncovered? Wait, what exactly was revealed? No! Not important. Spygate!
The backlash against Trump’s revelation was swift. And this time, the Clinton-Obama deep state was out to dismantle any talk of Spygate. In addition to the usual suspects drumming up falsehoods, regular Trump supporters like Trey Gowdy and Judge Andrew Napolitano publicly stated (on Fox News of all places!) that there was zero proof that the FBI implanted a spy in the Trump campaign. Such blasphemy, and right in the temple.
Fox News’ Shepard Smith joined the chorus, too, using vague phrases like “unfounded,” “not based in fact or reason,” and “no evidence” to describe Spygate. Clearly, these conservative heroes were blackmailed into slinging lies. Three more victims of the Washington Swamp.
In spite of all the people around him falling under the lure of the Clinton-Obama deep state, President Trump remains vigilant, ensuring that people are spending their time focusing on the issues that matter, and ignoring the Russian collusion investigations that do not.