The Supreme Court—yeah, the dudes and dudettes with a fondness for dramatic wardrobes and benches—just ruled that Trump isn’t allowed to block bitches on Twitter. Which means that he has to either ignore the trolls (like a sensible person) or read and tolerate their comments. And if there’s one thing Trump is well-known for, it’s enduring frustration without a dramatic blow-up. Lord Cheeto is a master of self-control, a paragon of quiet determination and endurance.
If it isn’t happening already, it will be happening soon. Trump, like every celebrity, probably gets harassed by Twitter Eggs—new users that are obvious trolls, named so for their egg-like default profile picture. Sure, women get a hell a lot more than men, but I bet Trump is on the end of some pretty tasty politically-flavored vitriol.
And now, much to the delight of everyone that loves life, fun, and laughter, Trump can no longer shut out these dissenting voices. Apparently, it’s a free speech issue. Because the government isn’t allowed to restrict your speech under the First Amendment unless it falls into some very specific and well-defined categories, the Supremes ruled that Trump blocking Twitter users counts as an unconstitutional restriction of the First Amendment.
So now, we issue a call to all red-blooded Twitter users: please harass the living daylights out of the United States President. If anyone deserves to be hounded by trolls, it’s King Troll himself. Turn your eyes away from the siren song of bothering attractive females on Twitter for no possible personal gain. Instead, set your sights on bothering the hell out of the chief executive. Because his skin is literally a millimeter thick. That’s why he’s so orange: you can see through his skin to the Cheeto-tinted blood that flows beneath.
Go forth. Bother the president. We can only imagine the results will be amusing and, ultimately, distracting. Not that Trump doesn’t already ignore the majority of his responsibilities. But the more things he can’t be bothered with, the better the country can run. So, you see, it’s your patriotic duty to troll the president on Twitter. Save the Dream! Save the Rebellion!