Trump has been caught in another lie. Shocking, I know! As many of us already assumed, it turns out that the statement released by Trump’s doctor when he was still just a presidential candidate was fake. Or, at least, incredibly influenced by the president himself. Dr. Harold Bornstein recently admitted that Trump dictated the entire letter which stated that the president had “astonishingly excellent” health and was the “healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” Oh, doctors don’t talk like an extra from Clueless? Who knew!?
Dr. Bornstein also revealed that soon after Trump made himself comfortable in the Oval Office, he sent a team to the doctor’s office to steal his medical records. “They must have been here for 25 or 30 minutes, it created a lot of chaos,” he told NBC News in an interview, also adding that the incident made him feel “raped, frightened and sad.” Trump’s people, of course, are saying that this is a standard procedure for a new president and that they provided a letter that allowed them to do this. The doctor claims to have received no such documentation, but regardless of the legality of the situation, it leaves us all wondering what Trump is so keen to hide.
Trump Is Overweight
While it’s obvious to the rest of us that Trump has put on a bit of weight over the years, his arrogance has likely left him in denial. That is, of course, until it’s written down in plain sight in his medical records. This number may mean little to you and me, but don’t forget that Trump got his start in the entertainment business where even an extra 10 pounds is a big deal. It may seem like a whole lot of trouble to go through just to keep his weight on the down-low, but don’t forget that this is Trump. He has the maturity level of a teenager at best.
Trump Takes Hair Loss Preventative Medicine
Trump is sensitive about his looks, to say the least. He never lets a comment about his hair or fake tan get by without a rebuttal, so sending his groupies to steal his medical records likely prove he’s taking drastic measures to prevent hair loss. Not to mention that his former doctor ratted him out, telling us all that the president is on three medications and one is for hair loss. At least now we know that the dust on his head is actual hair and not just a bad toupee.
Trump Has A Prescription For Viagra
Like most men of a certain age who enjoy the company of women they aren’t married to, Trump likely has a prescription for Viagra. While it’s nothing to be ashamed of, there’s no doubt that Trump finds it emasculating and would be humiliated if anyone learned this information. Especially his wife Melania, as she would question why he would need such a thing when the two of them haven’t slept together in years. Considering he seems to only have affairs with women in the porn industry, he should have no problem popping the little blue pill in front of them. I’m sure they’re used to it.
Trump Has A History Of STDs
It’s safe to say that the president has been around the block a few times. It’s also safe to say that the kind of women that Trump’s attracted to have been in the dating game for a while, some even professionally. So, the chances that Trump has never contracted an STD over the years is slim to none. Even a prescription for antibiotics after a possible run-in with gonorrhea would be on his medical records, so it’s no surprise that he had them stolen. He probably had them shredded or burned as well because he’s just that stupid.
Trump Is Narcissistic
Trump’s ego has likely prevented him from seeking out the assistance of a mental health professional, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a side note from one of his doctors suspecting that he’s narcissistic. If one of his doctors ever recommended that he see a psychiatrist, that could be found in his medical records and give him reason to steal them. Especially if he ever was diagnosed with narcissism or another mental illness. There’s such a stigma surrounding even the most common mental health issues that if it ever became public knowledge that Trump experienced anxiety or depression, he’d never hear the end of it. His supporters might even turn against him because we all know having a president with mental health issues is far worse than voting a woman into office.
Trump’s Past Drug Abuse
We all know that Trump likes to party. How hard, however, is a question that remains unanswered. While he has likely slowed his role since becoming president, there’s no doubt that he has had some particularly wild nights in his past. From his days spent in the Playboy Mansion to his time spent on the set of a porn film, there’s no telling what kind of shenanigans he got himself into. If he had any drug abuse issues, that might be something worth hiding from the public. Even an admission of snorting the occasional cocaine might have made its way into his medical records, and would hardly be surprising as we all know Trump likes to show off. It would certainly give him reason to ensure his records never get released to the public.
Trump Doesn’t Really Have Bone Spurs
Trump has been accused of being a draft dodger for years, so imagine what would happen if the world found out that those bone spurs that kept him out of Vietnam weren’t real. This condition, which causes people to have hard growths on their bones, doesn’t go away overnight. In fact, they tend to grow and worsen over time. People with bone spurs will often get steroid injections to deal with the pain, so if Trump truly suffers from this condition, there would be ample evidence of it in his medical records. But if he paid someone off to fudge his psychical so he could avoid the draft, that would be pretty obvious. He has lied so much at this point though that it’s unlikely to have any effect on his position in office. If he can get away with dozens of sexual assault and rape accusations, then there’s nothing this guy can do that will get him impeached.
Author: Rose Burke
Freelance writer and art enthusiast, Rose Burke, often writes humorous essays inspired by awkward dating experiences and life’s cruel sense of humor. When she’s not doing that, she’s typically writing entertainment articles on women’s issues, politics, feminism, and other trending topics her readers love.
Her work has been published in The Southampton Review, The Conium Review, The Richest, The Independent, CINEMABLEND, and more. Author of the popular feminist blog series “Writings of the Satirical Feminista”, Rose is currently focusing on a collection of humorous personal essays while she travels the world.