Operation Desert Stormy began suddenly late on Friday evening. The decision to bomb Syria was abrupt, dramatic, and definitely not a political distraction. After all, there was absolutely nothing else this week that Trump could possibly care about, right? It’s definitely not like Trump has a long history of opposing intervening in Syria particularly.
We should stay the hell out of Syria, the “rebels” are just as bad as the current regime. WHAT WILL WE GET FOR OUR LIVES AND $ BILLIONS?ZERO
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 16, 2013
Oh.
What Is There for Desert Stormy to Even to Distract From?
It’s hard to image what Trump could want to distract the media from. Could it be hush-money payments to porn star Stormy Williams by his one-time attorney Michael Cohen? If you don’t remember which scandal this is, it’s the one where Trump had an affair with a porn star right under the nose of his wife shortly after the birth of one of their children.
But of course not: that never happened, and even if it did, she’s totally breaking the rules if she talks about it. Never mind that she apparently has a non-disclosure agreement with Trump for something that never happened. You know, like you normally do with non-disclosure agreements: give them to people that don’t know anything embarrassing or important to disclose.
Could it be the $1.6 million hush money payment that the same Michael Cohen made to a different porn star on behalf of a different prominent Republican? Does Michael Cohen do literally anything other than pay hush money to porn stars? Is he just an extremely specific fixer? Google “sleazy porn star payoff lawyer NYC” and he pops right up. He has a very particular set of skills.
There was that raid on Cohen’s office, after all. Trump did seem pretty heated about that. And that’s been expanded upon recently, with the revelation that Sean Hannity is Michael Cohen’s mysterious third client. I’d hate to assume that Sean’s been diddling a porn star that he had to shut up, but Cohen’s porn star pay-off to prominent Republican ratio is literally one-to-one so far.
Pfft, Who Cares About That?
Maybe it’s the impending publication of James Comey’s apparently tell-all bitch-fest of a book, which is hitting quality booksellers near you this week. The published excerpts so far seem like juice, gossipy tidbits, taking some nice pot shots at the Commander in Chief. The rest of the book seems virtually certain to make the President look like the sack of rotting oranges stuffed into overly tanned human skin that he is. It is bound to sell like literal hotcakes. It’s got a super chill cover though, so we’ll see what happens.
Anyway, there’s no way that Trump would literally bomb another sovereign nation to temporarily obscure embarrassing political events at home. He’s a Republican. Republicans would never do anything under false pretenses!
It will just have to remain a mystery forever.
On a Friday the 13th of the 2018th Year: Did We Just Start World War 3?
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