“You’re Fired!”: Temp Jobs Some Canned White House Staff Members Should Consider


Fired White House Staff Members

Donald Trump’s presidency has inspired many White House staffers to resign and likely to retire from politics altogether, but he has also sent quite a few employees packing as well. So many employees, in fact, that people started to wonder if Trump was confused by what his role as the president demanded of him, so he resumed his role as host of his reality show, The Apprentice. It’s the only logical reason for his actions. Either that or he is determined to eliminate every White House employee who has ever given him a dirty look, spoken about him behind his back, or wrote something nasty about him on the walls of a bathroom stall. So, if any of the canned White House staff members have left their political career behind for good and are looking for a temp job to help them get by, here are a few they might want to consider.

Washington DC Uber Driver

Fired White House Staff Members

They already know the area, so why not make money driving tourists around? Imagine the stories they could tell their passengers about Trump and their time working in the White House! Their ratings will be through the roof as even supporters of the president will love to be able to tell all of their friends about their ride from the presidential advisor Trump dismissed. Instead of offering passengers candy or drinks they can give out the items from their cleaned out desks such as pens, old campaign pins, calculators, and hole punchers. Those who offer cash tips can get a ridiculous Trump quote for each dollar. They’d be millionaires practically overnight.

A Reality Television Star

Fired White House Staff Members

Taking a page out of Trump’s book, his victims might want to look into getting on reality television while the world still cares about what they might have to say. Not that they’ll be cast in a future episode of Jersey Shore or anything particularly relevant, but there are a ton of shows here in the states as well as overseas that would consider their applications. If trash TV isn’t their thing, then they could probably make a pretty penny coming together to develop their own political show. Or, better yet, imagine the look on Trump’s face if one of them had the nerve to actually host The Apprentice revival! He’d go nuts!

A White House Tour Guide

Fired White House Staff Members

They may have been fired from their prominent position within the White House, but that doesn’t mean they’re banned from the place forever. Or does it? If it doesn’t, then they should have no problem getting a job as a tour guide with all of their experience and assumed historical knowledge. Even if any of them are banned from the White House property, they can’t be forbidden from walking around outside of the gate. They can stand there giving out facts for tips or take a group on a tour of the city. Tourists will line up for a tour guide with the amount of insider knowledge these ex-staffers have. Add to that the fact that most of them are likely still bitter over their firing, and people will pay to join their tour in hopes of them accidentally spilling some juicy detail about the Trump family.

Children’s Party Clown

Fired White House Staff Members

If they’re not bitter then they’re embarrassed, so they’ll need a temp job that hides their identity. What better way to do that than to throw on a colorful costume and some face paint, and start calling yourself Giggles the Clown? Children’s entertainers actually make a decent amount of money and the job often only requires an hour of time, so it’s a great temp job for any former White House employees who haven’t yet come to terms with their dismissal. Additionally, this kind of temp job with turn any frown upside down and might just be able to help these White House staffers get back on their feet. Plus, think of all the free cake!

Street Sign Spinner

Fired White House Staff Members

Tax season may be over, but with the number of people who file for extensions each year, you know Liberty Tax is going to keep their sign spinners outside for a few more weeks. Then there are sandwich shops, car dealerships, and a ton of other businesses that use this marketing system and are always looking for helpers. The White House may not have trained them in sign spinning, but these kinds of jobs often require wearing some form of costume that will help hide their faces and keep them from the sheer humiliation. If they wait until October, they might even get to dress up as they’re favorite horror movie character or Disney princess!

Writer Of Tell-All Book

Fired White House Staff Members

As we all know, several of Trump’s victims have already found success going down this road, and likely we’ll see a few more join them. Not only does this temp job require little effort on their part as they can just hire a ghostwriter and editors to take care of the tough stuff, but its the job that keeps on paying if their book deal provides them with a cut from sales. It also might help them to rebuild their confidence and get back some of their pride by verbally bashing the president and revealing another nasty detail about his sex life that will horrify the public. Going in this direction is probably their best bet.

A Cult Leader

Fired White House Staff Members

They’ve already made a name for themselves, so finding people to listen to what they have to say and agree to become devoted followers should be a sinch. Especially if the cult is geared toward Trump supporters and promoted as the rebellion to eliminate liberals, they’ll be rolling in the dough in no time. Followers will be gifting their cult leader with a chunk of their savings, pensions, and even their rusty old pickup trucks in order to show their devotion. Without doing anything to support either side of the political spectrum, they can pocket these donations until another position in politics opens up for them. Either that or until their scheme is discovered and their image is once again tainted by photos on the front page of newspapers showing them being carted off to prison.

 

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Rose Burke

Freelance writer and art enthusiast, Rose Burke, often writes humorous essays inspired by awkward dating experiences and life’s cruel sense of humor. When she's not doing that, she's typically writing entertainment articles on women's issues, politics, feminism, and other trending topics her readers love. Her work has been published in The Southampton Review, The Conium Review, The Richest, The Independent, CINEMABLEND, and more. Author of the popular feminist blog series "Writings of the Satirical Feminista," Rose is currently focusing on a collection of humorous personal essays while she travels the world.

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