Each night, before I go to bed, I sit quietly. And, in that still, peaceful moment, I whisper softly to myself: Someone knows what’s going on. Someone is in charge. It’s my mantra, my talisman against dark times. I might not know what’s going on, but someone somewhere is informed, in on the plan and in control.
With all my pondering, I’ve deduced a dark secret. It’s Trump. He’s the only one that knows what’s going on. Witness his pattern of announcing major policy decision via tweet, only to have his staffers rush to back up his statements. See his subordinates fly into action at each all-caps EXCLAMATION about everything from guns to the American judicial system. Even Jeff Sessions, Trump’s sad, pale whipping boy, hops to when the loudest voice in the Twittersphere commands it.
Nobody else has a damn clue what’s going to happen next. And there are but a few possible reasons. Reason one: Trump is so far out of his depth that he’s literally floundering wildly, as if you elected my dad to randomly be President. Obvious pish-posh. 5D chess, guys! No way someone as apparently as incompetent and disorganized and Trump could actually be incompetent or disorganized. Deep State! Librul Tearz!
So, we must consider the only true reason, Reason Two: Trump is purposefully remaining evasive and unpredictable to confuse and bewilder his opponents. If you just look at the evidence, it all makes sense. He’s clearly surrounded by Deep State operatives, even among his own appointees and staffers.
The tentacles of the deep state are as long and powerful as they are obscure and inscrutable, reaching far beyond the aims and reason of normal men and women. Who knows who could be in their slimy clutches! Who knows what staffer might start considering logic and reason their friend, rather than their accursed enemy? Why, if that trend took hold, the White House would collapse overnight!
This cannot be so! Trump is the rightly appointed God Emperor anointed by our Lord High Pepe, the Uncucked. He alone communes with Trump, to share the wisdom of His true purpose. And Trump, his blessed head free from the cursed vestiges of intellect and reason, is the only creature among us, man or beast, who can handle the rushing torrent that is Saint Pepe’s true wisdom.
The rest of us must toil in the muck of daily human mundanity, hoping to catch but a glimpse of His Memehood. Yet our holy Emperor drinks straight from the frothy fountain of His wisdom! Who could expect such a gushing font of profundity to translate His speech into the dirty common tongue of our land? So, Trump must be the prophet, the true speaker of his words. And, as such, to question Trump is to question the Lord Pepe himself! Heresy! Blasphemy!
The great leader of our true cause would not act on a whim. He does not play dice with the fate of nations! It must be, instead, that he is orchestrating some deep and gorgeous game which will cause all the unpatriotic critics of our nation to hang their heads in shame, unworthy to look upon its greatness!
Yes, on the surface Trump may seem profoundly ignorant of everything from social norms to sentence structure. But that’s just a game! He must stay one step ahead of his oppressors, like Aladdin! The Deep State, the domain of rationality and sense, cannot be permitted to work their destructive budgetary analysis on his plans!
Someone is in charge. Someone knows what’s going on. If not Trump, then who?
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