In what has proven to be a very surreal moment, Pennsylvania has just put something in place to stop needless school shootings. Their alternative:
A bucket of rocks in each classroom.
A five pound bucket, no less. I kind of wish I was kidding and yet, part of me respects that they are at least ATTEMPTING to do something about the problem without actually giving guns to teachers. Their thinking is each classroom has a bucket of rocks called “Go Buckets” that are filled with “river rocks” which are just like regular rocks except pulled from a river (no idea why that matters but it got reported so it must) and I will quote their quote about it because it may be the single greatest thing I have ever quoted on here.
The superintendent of the Blue Mountain school district said about the buckets of rocks:
“If an armed intruder attempts to gain entrance to any of our classrooms, they will face a classroom full of students armed with rocks,” he said. “And they will be stoned.”
You KNOW all that kids at that school who smoke pot think that is the best thing anyone has ever said. I mean, you cannot pay for that level of hilarity, I’m sorry. Not trying to undermine the fact the man is trying to help, my apologies.
Also, as much as it is proactive, isn’t that, like, Biblical type of stuff? When the bad man approaches, you shall STONE THE HEATHEN TO DEATH! I mean, kudos if this works, but a buckets of rocks around teenage boys is not going to end well for ANYONE.
We will get our first mass school stoning in the news next week, just you wait!