Dear parents, specially the brand-new parents out there bringing up Baby, we salute you. It’s not easy bringing up a tiny human whose only vocabulary consists of chortles, squeals, and bawling. There’s finding the eternally burning will to live and keep going through the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and constant guesswork of needs. There’s the breastfeeding, pumping, stained shirts, or formula mixing. There’s all that, and the need to get back to work. You’re superheroes, the lot of you.
So here’s a collection of tweets you may either find too funny, too real, or a hazy befuddled mix of the two. Put the baby to sleep, kick back, and pour yourself your beverage or bubbly of choice as you scroll through these tweets. You deserve it.
Mom holding crying baby: He just needs to be changed.
Me: Yeah hopefully into a puppy or something quieter.
— On vacation don’t@me (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 5, 2015
We’ve all been there.
Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that’s not allowed if the baby is yours.
— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) February 12, 2014
And that’s what we call “sharing the load”.
Me to baby: Say Dada!
Husband: You don’t want her first word to be Mama?
Me: Hell no! The other 2 won’t leave me alone. This one’s yours.
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) March 24, 2015
Time can go so fast.
[finally gets the car seat installed correctly]
Me: Where’s the baby?
Wife: In college.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 12, 2015
After going checklists full of Nope, choosing a baby name will be way easier.
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) June 5, 2014
Just please save us all the confusion and simplify things. We’d really appreciate it.
Me: “Aw, your baby is cute. How old?”
Woman: “Thanks, she’s 34 weeks. Do you have the time?”
Me: “Sure, it’s 972 minutes past midnight.”
— tina (@tinatbh) July 17, 2015
oh your son is 73 months old that’s cool i literally i have no idea if he’s five or forty two
— raspberry beignet (@jdelwoo) June 20, 2012
Give this person an award.
Some people have painted the Sistine Chapel. Others built pyramids. I once moved a baby from the car to a crib without the baby waking up.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) May 4, 2015
Why are you two even here in the first place?
I don’t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) June 17, 2014
We all have that one friend on Facebook who floods our news feeds with baby pictures.
Friend: [showing baby photos]
Me: Ah yes, very baby
— moody monday (@mdob11) August 15, 2015
I slept like a baby!
No. Not lucky.
*slowly turns towards you*
I shit my pants and cried most of the night
— Cocaine Cola (@SatansTongue) January 11, 2015
Well, you’re not wrong… Oh, come on, you’re absolutely right.
Babies are okay if you’re into alarm clocks that poop.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 17, 2015
And finally, some words of wisdom from Pakalu Papito.
*picks up crying baby* it’s fine buddy when u grow up you will learn how to do this on the inside
— pakalu papito (@pakalupapito) June 11, 2015