Dad, Pops, Papa, Daddy, Dada… We may all have different ways of calling our dads, but they’ll have the same kind of jokes: so corny, it just hurts, and then he hurt just starts getting too ridiculous for us to handle. Do you think the jokes are intentionally lame? It it really the magnum opus height of their humor? We honestly have no idea, but we’ve managed to round up some incredibly Dad-like tweets for your enjoyment.
So enjoy. And use them at your own risk. (Don’t say we didn’t warn you.)
Let the dad jokes commence!
Cue the Dad Jokes. ALL THE DAD JOKES.
#DadJokes
“Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.”— CallMeDad( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (@iP0KEkitties) June 6, 2016
Step one Make list. Step two: Cross out 90% of the names. Frown a lot.
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) June 5, 2014
Your face when your kid thinks of something brilliant.
7 y/o daughter: Why don’t they have tape for your burrito but you could eat the tape?
And now I know what Einstein’s parents felt like
— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) January 29, 2016
Ah. Well, there’s that other half…
[3-year-old rides her bike]
Me: I taught her everything she needs to know
Wife: Braking?
Me: I taught her half of what she needs to know.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 17, 2016
No questions asked.
No DNA test needed.
I’m sure she’s mine. pic.twitter.com/C1FntjdRUE
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2015
That moment when you’re dad thinks he’s 100% hilarious when he’s anything but.
My dad just asked if I needed a hand when I went to carry my bags and when I said yes he started clapping for me #dadjokes
— Becky Stoolman (@beckystoolman) June 3, 2016
Well… It does build character, right?
Toddler: *spills an entire bowl of popcorn and then eats it off the floor*
5-year-old: Stop it!
Me: Let her go. I don’t want to vacuum.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 17, 2016
And then there’s all the terrible dad puns.
My dad dropped the cap to the milk in his coffee and I gave him a look and he said “what! It’s a cap-uchino” ? #dadjokes
— TAMA CHAN. (@Tam_Bammm) May 25, 2016
Dad, please stop.
Genuinely upset that neighbor didn’t get my “keep me posted” joke when discussing new fence. Not sure I can move past this today. #dadjokes
— Ryan Rauch (@RyanRauch) May 26, 2016
STAAAHHP.
Dad: “This bouncy castle is twice the price of last year”
Me: “Dad no…”
Dad: “That’s..”
Me: “Please no dad”
Dad: “..Inflation for you”— Yik Yak (@YikYakApp) May 28, 2016
I can’t even.
Nurse trying to take my dad’s blood pressure
Nurse: can I borrow your arm?
Dad: are you going to bring it back?Dad joke game too strong
— Spoiled Little Brat (@spoiledbratprbz) June 8, 2016
I have officially lost the ability to Can.
Just told my dad I’ve been feeling funny.. He touched my shoulder and laughed and said “you do” #DadJokes ?
— Jordyn Berger (@JordynnFaith5) May 30, 2016
No matter how terrible the punnage your dad’s jokes are, we here at SND want to wish you all a Happy Father’s Day!
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