Oh, you lovely, lovely, hilarious tweets. You never fail to make us laugh and give us just a bit more sunshine to get through even the toughest of days. (Well, yeah, we may feel compelled to veg out in front of the computer and block out everything else, but gives the time of day in about fifteen minutes or so, and we’ll live.)
Are the weekday blues getting you down? Have this post of hilarious tweets on us. We hope it’ll help you crack a smile.
Oof. Ergh. Agh. Yeah, nope, nope, nope.
I saw a sign that said falling rocks so I tried and it doesn’t
— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) November 29, 2014
*pats person on back* Yeah. Same.
[watching porn] I hope they stay together
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) December 16, 2015
Because there’s nothing says “I love you” like a raven in a dead tree in the rain.
Goth Valentine Gift ideas:
1) Red Veil
2) Dark Chocolate
3) The Dark Crystal on VHS
4) A raven in a dead tree
5) The rain
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) February 3, 2016
When my cubicle starts smelling funny… you’ll know, you know?
boss: where do you see yourself in 5 years
me: but DEAD
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) February 3, 2016
Meanwhile, over at the electoral campaigns…
HILLARY: how does bernie have more of the younger vote than me? it doesn’t make sense. im hip!
BERNIE: why do the teens call me daddy
— eric c (@dubstep4dads) January 18, 2016
You know, I’ve always found that saying to be really confusing.
“You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
– People who don’t understand what you’re supposed to do with cake
— Shira (@shiraselko) July 19, 2011
Cosmo sex tip:
let your partner know the sex was great by dumping an entire cooler of Gatorade on them afterwards
— hope (@hopiecan) October 19, 2015
Because love needs testing.
[date at rooftop bar]
give me ur hand
“Is tha-are u wearing a squirrel tail?”
*rips off jacket to reveal flying squirrel suit* do u trust me
— madeleine (@madeleinedoux) February 9, 2015