Internet, meet Michelle Thomas. Michelle is one sassy lady with a zing in her step. This writer and cafe manager’s got that can-do attitude, smoldering Tamara de Lempicka eyes and an undeniable Angelina Jolie pout.
A photo posted by @msmthomas on
She’s funny, she’s charming, she’s sharp as a tack — she’s practically the entire package. Who wouldn’t want to date her?
Apparently, some fool on Tinder did.
Michelle went on a date last week with a man she met on Tinder. The date seemed to go pretty well, until she received a horrible message from him a few days after, saying she was too fat to date. Instead of crumpling into a heap, she turned the situation around and made it an opportunity to slam body-shaming and encourage more women to celebrate their looks and their body.
So first, here’s what he said:
Hey Michelle, sorry been super busy at work today hun.
Thanks for a wonderful evening last night. I really enjoyed your company and actually adore you. You’re cheeky and funny and just the sort of girl I would love to go out with if only my body and mind would let me. But I fear it won’t.
I’m not going to bulls–t you… I f–king adore you Michelle and I think you’re the prettiest looking girl I’ve ever met. But my mind gets turned on my someone slimmer.
Shallow? It’s not meant to be. It’s the same reaction you get when you read a great author or see an amazing image, or listen to a piece of music you love, it has that instant reaction in you that makes you crave more.
So whilst I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality (and God…I really, really am), I can’t say the same about your figure. So I can sit there and flirt and have the most incredibly fun evening, but I have this awful feeling that when we got undressed my body would let me down. I don’t want that to happen baby. I don’t want to be lying there next to you, and you asking me why I’m not hard….
… I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m trying to avoid bigger pain in the future by telling you now so we don’t have to go through that embarrassment. I’m a man… With all the red hot lusts of a man and all the failings of a man and I’m sure of my own body and its needs. Please try and forgive me. I adore you xx
The message made Michelle burst into tears — and seriously, who wouldn’t? she said her date simon ” “so flirty and charming and affectionate on the date”, she told i100.co.uk. “The message was the polar opposite of that. It really floored me.”
So a few days later, she wrote out one of the best body-shaming shot-downs the Internet has ever seen.
Here’s her response:
Dear Man I Met On Tinder.
… You don’t have to fancy me. We all have a good friend who we look at ruefully and think “you’re lovely, but you just don’t tickle my pickle”. We wish we were attracted to them, but our bodies and our brains don’t work like that. And that’s fine.
What isn’t fine is the fact that, after a few hours in my company, you took the time to write this utterly uncalled-for message. It’s nothing short of sadistic. Your tone is saccharine and condescending, but the forensic detail in which you express your disgust at my body is truly grotesque. The only possible objective for writing it is to wound me.
And I’m ashamed to say, for a few moments, it worked. You stirred a dormant fear that every woman who was ever a teenage girl has – that it doesn’t matter how funny you are, how clever, how kind, how passionate, how loyal, how determined or adventurous or vibrant – if you’re a stone overweight, no one will ever find you desirable.
I like the way I look. I don’t look like Charlize Theron, and that’s fine – I look like me, and I like myself (I’m sure I’d like Charlize Theron, too if I ever met her. I hear good things).
You may think are all my profile pictures are “FGASs” (That’s Fat Girl Angle Shots – pictures from angles that slim and flatter the girl. Because men only ever use candid, brutally-lit, unfiltered pics). But I think they’re a fair representation. And I’m pretty upfront about who I am: I describe myself as a woman who loves pizza, and include links to myInstagram page, where I have the #everybodysready bikini shots I took on my 30th birthday. I like to think I come across as a confident, happy woman. But could this be the very reason you have targeted me? Did you see me and think “She has far too high an opinion of herself, she needs bringing down a peg or two”? I have to ask – we all know the internet is a dangerous place to be a woman with opinions (I discovered this first hand when I ventured a response to those obnoxious bloody adverts)…
… I’ll never see or hear from you again (you may feel the need to respond to this blog. Please don’t. There’s nothing you can say that will make me think that you’re not a disgrace to your gender).
What truly concerns me, the real reason I’m responding so publicly, is the fact that you have a 13 year old daughter. A talented illustrator, who collects Manga comics and wants to visit Japan as soon as possible.
I want you to encourage your daughter to love, enjoy, and care for her body. It belongs to her and only her. Praise her intellect, and her creativity. Push her to push herself and to be fearless. Give her the tools to develop a bomb-proof sense of self-esteem so that if (I’ll be kind. I’ll say “if”.) the time comes that a small, unhappy man attempts to corrode it, she can respond as I do now.
P.S. “Slip of a girl”? CHRIST ALIVE, that’s creepy.
P.P.S. You’re not 5’11
Michelle explains she didn’t write the response so much for Simon as she did for his daughter.
“If he can send that message to a woman whom he barely knows so thoughtlessly he obviously hasn’t made the connection that somebody could treat his daughter that way,” she said.
Positive and encouraging comments have flooded her inbox after she penned the above response. “It’s not really about shaming this one man anymore,” she said. “It’s about using this negativity and turning it into a positive message. We need a frank and honest conversation about body shaming. Society needs to talk about it, and I think humour helps.”
We salute you, Michelle! Ignore the haters, and keep being your fabulous self! You are an inspiration to gals everywhere.
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