SND frenemy Patrice Wilson has released his latest music video, and while we’re relieved that he’s finally working with women over the age of 18, we can’t quite verbalize our reaction to it, so we’ll just let these Jim Halpert GIFs do it for us.
Patrice, also known as “Pato,” is probably the most controversial guy in “Internet” that you’ve never heard of (we say “Internet” and not “Music” because we’re not sure that what he does qualifies for the latter).
He’s best known for bubbly earworms like “Friday,” “Chinese Food,” and “It’s Thanksgiving,” which are all sung by minors whose parents paid Patrice in good faith to make their kids pop stars.
Usually, the ROI is viral Internet mockery for the bizarre music videos that Patrice scripts, produces, and stars in.
Sure, we like to pick on Patrice Wilson. But behind every tease is an honest attempt to understand just what the f*ck he’s thinking, and we haven’t gotten very far. To wit, just when we thought we had a proper beat on the guy, he releases “Face Time,” performed (thankfully) without the aid of 12-year-old girls.
Instead, Patrice is performing alongside someone named “Richie Main.” In the video, the two strip down, double-team some middle-aged white woman, and not-suggestively-at-all feed a woman a snake, all while singing lyrics like “and when I tap you on the screen, the headphones drown out your screams.”
Don’t ask me, I just work here.
Hopefully this means that Patrice has taken our petition to keep him away from little girls seriously (yes, he knows about it, I got an email from his lawyer), though now I’m kind of wishing he’d go back to making songs like “Friday.”
Annnnnd I can’t believe I just said that.
Watch Patrice Wilson’s “Face Time” up top, and let us know what you think in the comments.