Tso Bad: Alison Gold’s ‘Chinese Food’ Is A Surreal, Pedo-Tastic Nightmare [Video]

Chinese Food Alison Gold

Hey, America. Are you ready for the new Rebecca Black? Of course you aren’t.

The same guy who wrote Black’s unlikely viral hit “Friday” has debuted his new single, along with a brand spankin’ new pre-teen star. It’s called “Chinese Food,” and as you can tell by the lyrics sung with earnest aplomb by Alison Gold, subtlety isn’t exactly on the menu.

“I love Chinese food. You know that it’s true. I love fried rice, I love noodles, I love chow mein, chow m-m-m-mein.”

There’s so much to say not just about the song, but about the video, in which poor, well-meaning Gold doesn’t seem to understand that she’s stepped into an episode of “To Catch a Predator” ten seconds before Chris Hansen walks in and puts the kibosh on the whole thing.

Of particular note is the song’s writer and producer, Patrice Wilson, who cameos here in a giant panda suit and assumes numerous roles, including rap break star and Gold’s precarious and playful tickler. … Yeah.

The video’s subtitles also appear in numerous languages, because: Insanity.

It’s hard to tell exactly what Wilson is trying to accomplish in his career, but it seems to be working. “Chinese Food” already has over 800,000 views as of this writing. Also a matter of dispute is the apparently soured relationship between Wilson and Black. The latter is still only 16, yet here she’s been replaced with a younger, (hotter?) singer in Alison Gold.

As you can probably tell, I have no idea how to feel about Alison Gold’s “Chinese Food.” Still, I guess anything is better than “Hot Problems.”

h/t – BuzzFeed

Dusten Carlson
Dusten has written for web and print and currently spends his time working on his upcoming graphic novel. He is also almost 30 and still has all of his hair.


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