Hoaxed
Mar 31, 2014

No, Teens Smoking Coffee Beans Isn’t A Thing, ‘Caffeine Sticks’ Scare Totally Invented

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Social News Daily keeps a close eye on viral trends, and the idea teens are smoking coffee beans (called “caffeine sticks,” allegedly) is pinging our BS meter as one of those things adults think sounds plausible and dangerous and really is just a made up story.

One thing about smoking coffee beans, caffeine sticks, or whatever else they may be called in the days and weeks ahead is that this sudden new “trend” appeared out of the clear blue sky. Trust us — we spend all day sifting through the social web, and no one was talking about this Friday. Suddenly Monday, on a slow news day, coffee smoking is sweeping the nation and is the next big threat to The Children.

Monday, March 31, is the first mention of “bean heads,” “caffeine sticks,” or the general practice of smoking coffee we’ve ever seen on the social web. If this is a trend, no one is Instagramming it, Facebooking about it, or sending any tweets — wholly unusual, as teens are not exactly circumspect about their stupidity sometimes.

First thing we heard of coffee bean smoking was about three hours ago on the radio. Since then, several sites have written up the viral trend, which appears to go back to a local Las Vegas affiliate and a single report of the activity occurring. Because as we all know, local news affiliates have their fingers on the pulse of teen recklessness, and have never been known to invent a scary new trend to boost viewership.

We’d embed tweets or link to Reddit posts or Facebook if anything — literally anything — was recorded on the subject prior to this morning, aside from a few throwaway jokes that in no way suggest anyone is actually doing this anywhere at all.

According to the shaky news report on coffee smoking or “caffeine sticks,” users (who don’t seem to exist) are called “bean heads.” Just in case you considered taking up this habit no one has, the news station helpfully suggests it can cause “hallucinations.”


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